yeah but wingman, some partners aren't prepared to address issues, they resent you for raising them and push back hard against any kind of change?
Whilst you're describing the 'ideal' relationship, a world where you're able to talk about and resolve things like two adults who love eachother....it's not always the case, in relationships. Good or bad?
In the 11 years I was with my partner, I must have raised the issue about our sex life, a million and 3 times. And I wasn't a bitch about it. I explained that I need sex more than once a month, or once every 3 months...that it's not ok when I try to initiate, that he says no, every motherfucking night of the week...lol
But ultimately, withholding sex, was his way of controlling our relationship.
Not healthy, for either of us. Especially me! lol
So instead of cheating (and believe me, I was sorely tempted!) I left.
Because the bigger issue wasn't the lack of sex itself....it was allllllllll the other bullshit that had broken the relationship down to the point that I was so emotionally detached, it was insalvagable.
And whilst that sounds awful. And it was....many many people, have relationships where they don't feel free, after a period of years, to express their opinion - or if they do, it's met with resentment and annoyance?
Like my married friend, who says he loves his wife immensely, but has scheduled sex, once a month, if he's lucky?
He said he's raised it with her. He tried romancing her, he's done the cook her dinner bit and planned the romantic nights...but her libido, is just not like his - never was apparently, and obviously never will be.
He said she looked at him last time he spoke to her about it and said "I'm a mother and I'm tired and quite frankly, I'm not a rabbit. I don't want to have sex with you every night of the week. Stop asking me"
Do you think he'll EVER broach that subject again?
Probably not.
Instead, he is sexually fulfilled with other women -and he does this, often and alot.
Is it just about sex for him?
No.
I discussed that with him yesterday.
It's about feeling valued, desired, wanted and appreciated.
Sometimes, in long term relationships, we forget our partner, amongst the 'life' stuff that has to be addressed. But to rectify that, the person has to 'want' to.
And sometimes, I guess it comes down to the fact that they just don't want to?