wingman
Super M0derator
Were you still in BB mode in that thread? That wasnt very long ago i thought.
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Were you still in BB mode in that thread? That wasnt very long ago i thought.
Bench Polkov
SIR BENCHALOT
I squat 215. My competition squats 250+. Therefore I can't squat.
wingman
Super M0derator
But you beat them on bench / dead by similar margin right?
Bench Polkov
SIR BENCHALOT
Not the top guys. They bench and deadlift the same as me or have a superhuman deadlift to make up for a low bench.
chocchillimango
Well-known member
Short term goal, to fit into that corset Viv just posted! Yeah boi! lol Gimme 2 months of solid hard yakka...then we shall see
My goal is to find I have to throw away my skinny jeans because I've developed fit gal thighs.
Not holding my breath though on that particular goal....
yours is much better. Corsets are cool
Eman!! I do interval skipping as part of my varied HIIT program!! Thats HELL my friend. Although I am very coordinated
lol
But thankfully this, has very little to do with skill and just takes practice
chocchillimango
Well-known member
I hope to be able to squat properly one day .. to maybe push beyond the limits of anatomical boundaries and actually squat as I'd like to do.
In your own time, universe. It's not like I'm not doing my bit for the cause...
In your own time, universe. It's not like I'm not doing my bit for the cause...
I want to be able to physically feel comfortable in the world.
I spent a day with my extended family yesterday and my 75yo Uncle put his arms around me and shook his head in amazement "You've disappeared Jo" he murmered.
I haven't seen them for a little over a month now...and I just fobbed him off...so he trailed out the photo albums to prove it....OMG
There were photo's of me from a year ago....that I was barely able to even look at!
Even one's from a few months ago...
And of course all the older beautiful pictures of me at ballet recitals and swim meets and carnivals and my high school formal (God bless 1992) lol
But I did wonder, briefly...if I would ever feel comfortable in the world again? Intellectually, I know I've lost another human being and I am proud of my focus on my health and wellbeing. I'm not addicted to the scale and I'm not OCD about my calories....
But psychologically...all I see in my minds eye, is the very very fat girl I became...once upon a time.
I guess I have used that image and version of myself, to spurr myself on for so long....letting go of her, will be a process
But I look forward to the day, I can.
I spent a day with my extended family yesterday and my 75yo Uncle put his arms around me and shook his head in amazement "You've disappeared Jo" he murmered.
I haven't seen them for a little over a month now...and I just fobbed him off...so he trailed out the photo albums to prove it....OMG
There were photo's of me from a year ago....that I was barely able to even look at!
Even one's from a few months ago...
And of course all the older beautiful pictures of me at ballet recitals and swim meets and carnivals and my high school formal (God bless 1992) lol
But I did wonder, briefly...if I would ever feel comfortable in the world again? Intellectually, I know I've lost another human being and I am proud of my focus on my health and wellbeing. I'm not addicted to the scale and I'm not OCD about my calories....
But psychologically...all I see in my minds eye, is the very very fat girl I became...once upon a time.
I guess I have used that image and version of myself, to spurr myself on for so long....letting go of her, will be a process
But I look forward to the day, I can.
chocchillimango
Well-known member
I want to be able to physically feel comfortable in the world.
I spent a day with my extended family yesterday and my 75yo Uncle put his arms around me and shook his head in amazement "You've disappeared Jo" he murmered.
I haven't seen them for a little over a month now...and I just fobbed him off...so he trailed out the photo albums to prove it....OMG
There were photo's of me from a year ago....that I was barely able to even look at!
Even one's from a few months ago...
And of course all the older beautiful pictures of me at ballet recitals and swim meets and carnivals and my high school formal (God bless 1992) lol
But I did wonder, briefly...if I would ever feel comfortable in the world again? Intellectually, I know I've lost another human being and I am proud of my focus on my health and wellbeing. I'm not addicted to the scale and I'm not OCD about my calories....
But psychologically...all I see in my minds eye, is the very very fat girl I became...once upon a time.
I guess I have used that image and version of myself, to spurr myself on for so long....letting go of her, will be a process
But I look forward to the day, I can.
with time, BB ... your weight and appearance don't define you as a person. But you know that.
I'm still the little fat kid inside...part of who were stays with us and is part of why we are who we are today.
So it's all good
with time, BB ... your weight and appearance don't define you as a person. But you know that.
I'm still the little fat kid inside...part of who were stays with us and is part of why we are who we are today.
So it's all good
Ahhh yes, I know. And I guess she will always be with me. I just look forward to the day, where she's not the reflection I see when I look at myself anymore, but rather the memory of how very far I've come?
It's a psychological thing, this, I know
DKD
Private Dancer
J, I would say you need to make her a very distant memory for now.....and maybe for a while longer.
I think you need to surround yourself with plenty of positive reinforcements of the lady you are today.....keep pics on your iPhone, desktop, wherever else....to appreciate how good you're looking ATM. Bury the old photos away somewhere.
It's hard for me to genuinely understand the situation you speak of, but you've done incredibly well, you're an inspiration I believe, and you should be filled with positive thoughts about where you are now and where you're going. You should never need to look or think back to old Bella....and in the off chance that you do, you should do so triumphantly....it's all good for you J, let the negativity go.
I think you need to surround yourself with plenty of positive reinforcements of the lady you are today.....keep pics on your iPhone, desktop, wherever else....to appreciate how good you're looking ATM. Bury the old photos away somewhere.
It's hard for me to genuinely understand the situation you speak of, but you've done incredibly well, you're an inspiration I believe, and you should be filled with positive thoughts about where you are now and where you're going. You should never need to look or think back to old Bella....and in the off chance that you do, you should do so triumphantly....it's all good for you J, let the negativity go.
KungFooGoo
Gangster
80kg at the end of the year without being a fat fuck and still being able to bang out 10+ full chinups.
chocchillimango
Well-known member
Agree totally with G ... Don't focus on where you've come from now. To be honest, I can't even look at photos of me when I was at my lowest weight and dreadfully skinny. Different direction but having been on both sides of normal weight I can say that it's all just negativity, no better or worse.
Definitely reinforce the positives. You're getting plenty of good feedback so revel in how far you've come and how great you look and hopefully feel.
Definitely reinforce the positives. You're getting plenty of good feedback so revel in how far you've come and how great you look and hopefully feel.
J, I would say you need to make her a very distant memory for now.....and maybe for a while longer.
I think you need to surround yourself with plenty of positive reinforcements of the lady you are today.....keep pics on your iPhone, desktop, wherever else....to appreciate how good you're looking ATM. Bury the old photos away somewhere.
It's hard for me to genuinely understand the situation you speak of, but you've done incredibly well, you're an inspiration I believe, and you should be filled with positive thoughts about where you are now and where you're going. You should never need to look or think back to old Bella....and in the off chance that you do, you should do so triumphantly....it's all good for you J, let the negativity go.
Bah! You're my very own coach!
Thanks folks.
It's not so much negativity as it is such a psychological thing. I don't hate who I was, on the contrary....I love her, more than any other version of myself, because she neeeded it the most. But when I see a picture from a year ago, I am alarmed, because I KNOW I no longer look like that.
But in my own mind....when I look in the mirror...I see no real change most of the time. I guess I need to be able to look back and reflect, to actually compute, how far I've actually come?
No negativity and no beating myself up. I am proud of me. And I know I've come a long way. I guess I just look forward to the day, where being slimmer and fitter is my version of 'normal' and I've grown accustomed to that?
I aint there yet! But I'm still on the journey I guess