I never knew what it was to be depressed and anxious until mid last year when after increasing stresses, an all year slide in my physical condition and relationship with my initial trainer, I got fired by him and found myself back at 40kg, June-Nov a blur of stress and tears, endless endless tears. I also experienced the makings of panic attacks a few times, one of them while trying to go thru the doors of a big gym for the first tiime.
Now I am on leave from work to work on myself, not really optional leave, strongly suggested by my employer. My behaviour has changed so much. I'm just not the person I was 3 years or so ago.
It's as though finally, I just can no longer cope. Everyday things set me off. One little thing that is a normal everyday drama can send me into misery for days...and for me, misery means no eating. The medics tested me for rare adrenal tumors, checked all my stress related levels etc....fricken stressed me out while they were doing it. Nothing wrong with me physically.
So far I have been able to avoid medication, although everyone loves to ask you if you have considered it and then try to hide their dissapointment when you say no. My depression and anxiety are reactive, there were multiple triggers over a number of years.
My way back is based on accessing the support networks I have available to me, my case manager, my councilor, my psychologist, my GP, my family, friends and my trainer. They all play a part and I lean on them when I need to. I call them 'Team Em'. They are key to my way back to finding myself and making me happy. Training is my main medicine. It is my joy.
Now I am on leave from work to work on myself, not really optional leave, strongly suggested by my employer. My behaviour has changed so much. I'm just not the person I was 3 years or so ago.
It's as though finally, I just can no longer cope. Everyday things set me off. One little thing that is a normal everyday drama can send me into misery for days...and for me, misery means no eating. The medics tested me for rare adrenal tumors, checked all my stress related levels etc....fricken stressed me out while they were doing it. Nothing wrong with me physically.
So far I have been able to avoid medication, although everyone loves to ask you if you have considered it and then try to hide their dissapointment when you say no. My depression and anxiety are reactive, there were multiple triggers over a number of years.
My way back is based on accessing the support networks I have available to me, my case manager, my councilor, my psychologist, my GP, my family, friends and my trainer. They all play a part and I lean on them when I need to. I call them 'Team Em'. They are key to my way back to finding myself and making me happy. Training is my main medicine. It is my joy.
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