Thoughts re a guy at my gym

[Fadi]

My gym is a pretty friendly and social place.
Like many people, I generally go there at the same time on the same days and have made a few new friends - both male and female. A couple of the girls and I are now really good friends. There are also a couple of guys that I'm friends with, one in particular, but the others I just say hi and occasionally have a quick chat. This guy normally works out near me and we have longer slightly more personal conversations, more in line with what the girls and I do.
At first I was a little cautious (I've had a couple of guys try and crack onto me in the past) - I am extremely happily married with a wonderful husband. That said I am a pretty down to earth and social person and don't want to assume for a minute that every guy in the gym that is nice enough to stop for a chat is trying to crack on to me, because that is simply not the case! And I like talking to people and making new friends.
Anyway, this guy asked me if I was married a couple of weeks ago and I said yes. He then said he hoped I wouldn't think he was being too personal but was trying to come to terms with the whole marriage thing and asked if I was honestly happy in my relationship, did I think of DH during the day, were they happy thoughts, how long had I been married etc etc. I was slightly in shock but answered honestly to all of his questions with yes, yes and yes. I said that DH & I get on very well and love spending time together. I didn't ask too many questions about his separation though explained a few things about my first marriage which ended in divorce and about how different and happy my second marriage is and to keep being positive about the future that many married people are in fact happy.
He apologised again for asking what were such personal questions and I said that was fine I didn't care - cause I really didn't.
We chat as per normal the next few times we were at the gym together and he mentions some singer he likes. This morning he brings the CD in and lends it to me.
Now this is all cool but I'm feeling a teeny bit funny about the whole thing. If it were in the reverse, I don't know what I would think if some random girl at the gym lent my DH a CD! That said, I would lend any of the girls at the gym a CD or vice versa so why should it be any different. But it just feels different. Am I reading too much into it? The CD has songs including "Stay with me", "Leave your Lover", "I've told you now", "Lay me down" and "reminds me of you" on it.
I am comforted by the fact that I been open about my situation and how much I love my husband and so I have nothing to hide or cannot be misconstrued as leading him on.
I just wondered what others thought of the above (guys opinions welcomed!). Would you think he was just being friendly/in need of a friend or is there more to it?
Naturally, I'm not planning on going on a date with him should he ask but I also hope he's not some weirdo stalker either!

You say that you were comforted by your honesty during this whole questions (personal questions) and answers with this man. You also say that you've got nothing to hide and that you cannot be misconstrued as leading him on.

In the same way that you were proud of your honesty re his personal questions, you need to tell him in no uncertain terms that you truly feel uncomfortable with the way your conversation has been evolving or where it's heading. What this does is as follows: it puts the ball in his court and would bring his real intentions out into the open. So if he was after a simple and friendly conversation with you, he would say something like :"oh sorry you've misread me, I didn't mean it like this....." And if his intention is to take you out, then you would have given him the best opportunity to come out and clearly say it, as your (expressing your current feelings re this whole issue) would have given him the platform to do so. Either way, you would have delivered your message to him, of how exactly you wanna go with this whole personal conversation episodes.

Furthermore, it is not really for you to say whether the content of your conversation with him has led him into believing (or feeling) something totally different from what your intention was at the time...hence, you cannot say that you cannot be misconstrued as leading him on....at least not from his point of view, but perhaps from what you perceive him to have understood by what you've been saying. In other words, it would be best not to think what he may or may not be thinking...or what conclusions he may or may not have drawn from your conversations together.



Fadi.

 

[Jungnaut]

Stop wearing tight black pants with no pantylines and start parading those saggy torn faded granny knickers, with matching dishevelled hair and makeup-less face. That should put a dampener on his thinly disguised sleazefest.

 

[Johnnie Walker]

could just sleep with him..

 

[Stiffy]

@Oilucy ; I like the different replies you got on this forum as opposed to the other one. http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/for...133007-opinions-re-a-friendly-guy-at-the-gym/


Gotta admit, pretty farkin funny when someones getting relationship advise from the likes of @Grunta ; and [MENTION=17161]White_Lie[/MENTION]; unless that relationship advise is which topical cream cures which STI the best!


Please be sure to come back again Oilucy, should we ever be able to assist you

 

[Bazza20]

My gym is a pretty friendly and social place.
Like many people, I generally go there at the same time on the same days and have made a few new friends - both male and female. A couple of the girls and I are now really good friends. There are also a couple of guys that I'm friends with, one in particular, but the others I just say hi and occasionally have a quick chat. This guy normally works out near me and we have longer slightly more personal conversations, more in line with what the girls and I do.
At first I was a little cautious (I've had a couple of guys try and crack onto me in the past) - I am extremely happily married with a wonderful husband. That said I am a pretty down to earth and social person and don't want to assume for a minute that every guy in the gym that is nice enough to stop for a chat is trying to crack on to me, because that is simply not the case! And I like talking to people and making new friends.
Anyway, this guy asked me if I was married a couple of weeks ago and I said yes. He then said he hoped I wouldn't think he was being too personal but was trying to come to terms with the whole marriage thing and asked if I was honestly happy in my relationship, did I think of DH during the day, were they happy thoughts, how long had I been married etc etc. I was slightly in shock but answered honestly to all of his questions with yes, yes and yes. I said that DH & I get on very well and love spending time together. I didn't ask too many questions about his separation though explained a few things about my first marriage which ended in divorce and about how different and happy my second marriage is and to keep being positive about the future that many married people are in fact happy.
He apologised again for asking what were such personal questions and I said that was fine I didn't care - cause I really didn't.
We chat as per normal the next few times we were at the gym together and he mentions some singer he likes. This morning he brings the CD in and lends it to me.
Now this is all cool but I'm feeling a teeny bit funny about the whole thing. If it were in the reverse, I don't know what I would think if some random girl at the gym lent my DH a CD! That said, I would lend any of the girls at the gym a CD or vice versa so why should it be any different. But it just feels different. Am I reading too much into it? The CD has songs including "Stay with me", "Leave your Lover", "I've told you now", "Lay me down" and "reminds me of you" on it.
I am comforted by the fact that I been open about my situation and how much I love my husband and so I have nothing to hide or cannot be misconstrued as leading him on.
I just wondered what others thought of the above (guys opinions welcomed!). Would you think he was just being friendly/in need of a friend or is there more to it?
Naturally, I'm not planning on going on a date with him should he ask but I also hope he's not some weirdo stalker either!

Who listens to CDs anymore?

 

[kaz]

@oilucy ; i like the different replies you got on this forum as opposed to the other one. http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/for...133007-opinions-re-a-friendly-guy-at-the-gym/


gotta admit, pretty farkin funny when someones getting relationship advise from the likes of @grunta ; and [mention=17161]white_lie[/mention]; unless that relationship advise is which topical cream cures which sti the best! :d :d :d


please be sure to come back again oilucy, should we ever be able to assist you

lol!

 

[Oilucy]

Me too El Stiffy. Amazing how different guys and gals opinions are!


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[Semillon]

could just sleep with him..

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Genics again.

 

[Headley]

I think if an acquaintance gives you a CD with questionable music on it, he is after more than just a spotter at the gym

 

[taurus]

he wants p in v

 

[Stiffy]

Me too El Stiffy. Amazing how different guys and gals opinions are!


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if he hands you Nine Inch Nails Closer CD, I think its a safe bet Bible Studies aren't his intentions

 

[El Testicle]

he wants p in v

Lol!

How come I missed this?!

Bit late to the party, but I think it's all been covered [MENTION=14929]Oilucy[/MENTION];

You seem like a friendly and genuine person... if not (no offence) a little naïve. Perhaps you were just wanting to think the best of him, but I think from your own words you know there's more going on there.

As Fadi said, you need to just tell him to back off in no un certain terms. But you don't have to be a b-arch about it either. Set the boundries and monitor the behaviour.

Would not be surprised if he has a snap of you on his phone to which he whacks off.

Pics of Oilucy above his bunk bed in his parents basement next to his Buzz Lightyear poster.

 

[ride29er]

A mix tape, that is so cute, lol, serious time for some slightly blunt one word answers to him to create some space or just tell him how it is, he seems like the kind of guy who mistakes any kind of kindness as a sign of interest, before long you will get a friends request on facebook, put a stop to it quick, ive seen guys like this with some of my female friends and they go from strange to fucken nuts real quick and its going to make you feel guilty when you have done nothing wrong, or just change gyms lol

 

[Oilucy]

El Stiffy my husband Nine Inch Nails on his iphone ha ha ha
Killing myself laughing at the buzz light year comment too.
And yes I can be a bit naive.
I do like to think the best of people until I'm proven wrong


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[WoodyAllen]

Come on! One guy stopped me last week to tell me he was impressed that I was lifting a 25kg weight whilst doing some hanging back raises - I appreciated the compliment as I'm trying really hard to regularly increase my weights and improve and it actually motivated me that I wasn't as hopeless as I thought. Are you honestly saying that guys that stop and talk are generally making a move?? Whatever happened to just being friendly?!

just being friendly?!

That's like unicorns and tooth fairies.

So, just step back a bit and think about it.

Would you get any attention at all if you were fat and had a face like an apple pie?

You are at a gym, not at a "great personality talent quest". Guys are not seeing your intellect, moral qualities or other personality traits. They are, literally, seeing you primarily as a physically attractive (to whatever degree that you are) female in tight clothes doing a lot of physical stuff which involves booty and boobies bouncing around. Add a pretty face to that and men will turn into high blood pressure testosterone machines. That is what we are, after all.

Now, I'm not being flippant or giving you a hard time. I'm just pointing out the reality of the situation.

Yes, a guy and a girl can be "just friendly" but deep down there are all sorts of base drives at work. Yes, a guy can be friendly and talk to a girl who looks like Jabba The Hutt but that would normally after circumstance forced them together and other qualities (usually a sense of humour or shared interests) are forced to the surface.

Lets say that you and your hubby threw a party and invited all of your friends. All of them. Lots of couples and maybe a few singles. Now, you walk into the room wearing a beanie, heavy coat and baggy sweats. Everyone will probably say, "hi" and leave it at that. Now, come back into the room wearing a cocktail dress fitting like a latex glove and I guarantee you a million bucks that every single male in that room will will check out your butt and your rack and think about "hitting that". Even your 90 year old uncle. EVERYONE. Maybe even a few of the girls.

Now, no one will do anything about it, but everyone will have had those thoughts go through their mind. Including your husband.

I'm not saying every guy is a creep and every girl is a flirt, it's just how we are made. Sometimes you get someone who is under a lot of stress or in other ways is not "normal" and they can be a problem. But usually we respect the social conventions of marriage and "I'm taken". But sounds like you have a guy there who has other issues.

So, bottom line is that you gotta put this guy in his place. You should not have to change who you are or what you do (in this case, gym) just because someone does not know how to be noice. Give the disc back, be nice and say, "thank you" but also be clear about how you feel. Dodging about the bush is probably one of the most infuriating things a person can do. So, just say, "Thanks for the disc. I hope you can sort out your relationship because when you have one as good as mine, life is so much better and you never want anything more than that." Or summit like that.

Dorothy Dix signing off.

 

[Mckim]

That's like unicorns and tooth fairies.

So, just step back a bit and think about it.

Would you get any attention at all if you were fat and had a face like an apple pie?

You are at a gym, not at a "great personality talent quest". Guys are not seeing your intellect, moral qualities or other personality traits. They are, literally, seeing you primarily as a physically attractive (to whatever degree that you are) female in tight clothes doing a lot of physical stuff which involves booty and boobies bouncing around. Add a pretty face to that and men will turn into high blood pressure testosterone machines. That is what we are, after all.

Now, I'm not being flippant or giving you a hard time. I'm just pointing out the reality of the situation.

So much truth in that post!

 

[Bazza20]

Good post woody.

 

[El Testicle]

Well Worded Woody.

But I happen to think Jabba is hot!

 

[WoodyAllen]

Dem folds! Peter Griffin would hit that.

 

[steveP]

Never rule out that some guys are just socially awkward and don't understand boundaries.

In most cases, dudes see signs that are never there in the first places or assume every girl is into them.