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Wrong to put someone down?

TrentZor

TrentZor

Member
Well theres a dickwad who ALWAYS shoots his mouth off when his drunk or gets aggro. Usually goes on about his car that his "going" to buy (some $100k bmw m3) or his job and how much money he has.
But in reality he lives at home at 29 years old and makes 50-60k a year and drives an old honda.

After so many outtings over the course of a 3 years. I finally told him to shut up and didnt want to listen to his shit no more after he put down my brother-in-laws new car.

Most in the group just ignore him. So i cracked it and said to him in front of everybody

1. I have XXX houses YOU have none
2. I make over XXX times your salary
3. I have a mercedes PLUS a convertible PLUS a bike YOU have a shitty old car
NOW STFU and sit down and DONT ever speak about what u "have" again .. Do you see me shooting my mouth off?

See here is where the group got divided.. Apparently his got a drinking problem and gets aggressive/talks shit. Something to do with family!!
I know what i did was wrong but i had to put the tool in his place. I dont generally talk about money but sheesh did i lose it (im generally above that kind of thing but putting down my bro-in-law was the last straw)

So now some people are against what i did and some were gratefull i did it.

What u guys think?

P.s
I dont speak to him anymore and he stopped shoothing his mouth off :D But i feel like it didnt have to come to that.. :rolleyes:
 
Last edited:
You know ceffo, if a married couple is not getting on, they can do two things; play up on each other or get a divorce, (amongst other things). But to stay married and play up on each other is simply failing to take the right and available option.

Now you say
After so many outtings over the course of a 3 years.
Click to expand...
you basically told him...

Why stay for so long when you simply didn't have to and this (as well as many previous) episodes could have simply been avoided? That is my question to you now.


Fadi.
 
Fadi said:
Why stay for so long when you simply didn't have to and this (as well as many previous) episodes could have simply been avoided? That is my question to you now.


Fadi.
Click to expand...

Good question fadi..

You see the grooup of friends has been around along time since high school and also his GF is my wifes close friend. So there are some outtings i cannot avoid. Plus i dont see why i should have to not see my friends just because he is there?
 
ceffo said:
Plus i dont see why i should have to not see my friends just because he is there?
Click to expand...

Fair enough then Ceffo. So is it like you've said in the last sentence of your original post now?
P.s
I dont speak to him anymore and he stopped shoothing his mouth off :D But i feel like it didnt have to come to that.. :rolleyes:
Click to expand...
Or is it that you don't see him at all now? Either way the situation is made uncomfortable the way I see it and sooner or later (if he's going to still be around), both of you would have to come to some sort of settlement.

I get from your writing that you did not wish for this outcome but somehow it was forced upon you by his ill behaviour. But at the same time, I hear you making allowances for him (in a way) when you spoke of his "problem"
Apparently his got a drinking problem and gets aggressive/talks shit. Something to do with family!!
Click to expand...
Ceffo, what I'm saying in plain english is that you brother don't like to hurt people but you were forced into the situation. I'd speak to your brother in-law and see what he has to say about this issue since it was because of him more than anything that got you heated. Are we in agreement or have I totally misunderstood you Ceffo?

Take care my friend.


Fadi.
 
I think you were right to call his bullshit and ask him to keep it to himself.

I think you overstepped the mark playing yourself up to put him down.

Having a drinking problem is on him, if he can't keep himself in check someone else will do it in a way he doesn't like.
 
You get these people who are all talk, no action at times.
However, he only seems to do it with the false confidence alcohol brings him.
Maybe he is just expressing what he would want his lfe to be like when he is not drunk.
I know on the occasions I have been drunk in the past I get super motivated and achieve massive goals not long after.

In the end, maybe you did him a favour by giving him a taste of reality.
You may become his new benchmark, something for him to aim for, rather than just dream about how things could be.
Sucess is the best form of revenge, so you never know, one day he just may achieve these things because of your "put down".
 
In ancient times, kings were known as "ring-givers" because they gave gold rings as tokens of respect and appreciation. They held great feasts and invited everyone. You demonstrated wealth not by what you had, but by what you gave. A king who held onto all his wealth did not stay king for long.

So I am never impressed by people's boasting of their wealth, big house or fancy car.

It's still less impressive when it comes with drink. Rather than speaking of wealth he has or doesn't have, I would encourage my friend not to drink, and the evening would end when he starts. I would offer him a new hobby, lifting weights with him. Then he'd have something to boast about, because the greatness of strength is that you can give it to others without losing it.

Stopping drinking would also save him lots of money, then he could afford that expensive car he wants.
 
Mate,

I don't agree on what you did! Or at least
how you did it. That is to say you should have
brought it up when no one was around if at all.
He's was probably saying all those things to
make him self feel better for a lack of self-esteem
(nod your head in agreement if you know what
I'm talking about.. YES you!! You've done it at
least once..)

Oh and by you saying you making better $$, more
cars etc, guess what?? You were no better at that
point in time.

Be the bigger man and go apologies mate.

Devante.
 
Kyle Aaron - ive tried in the past to help the guy get into lifting. He did it for 3 weeks and gave up. Now he's around 120kg fat from all the drinking.

K_21 - i agreed i shouldnt have and should have been the betetr man but hes been doing it for over 3 years (since he started drinking heavily) and putting other people down (which really ticks me off) :rolleyes:. Ill consider this sometime as it does cause tension/akwardness in the group when were both around.
 
There comes a time when friends must part ways. Some partings are painful, some come as a relief.

You say you still want to see his girlfriend, well if he is overweight, still lives with his parents and gets drunk a lot, I imagine she won't be his girlfriend forever.
 
ceffo said:
K_21 - i agreed i shouldnt have and should have been the betetr man but hes been doing it for over 3 years (since he started drinking heavily) and putting other people down (which really ticks me off) :rolleyes:. Ill consider this sometime as it does cause tension/akwardness in the group when were both around.
Click to expand...

Hey man,

I can understand. I guess it's a choice you have
to make on your own.

1. Help this guy in anyway you can (but looks like
he's not willing to accept anyone's help)
2. Learn how to deal with it without 'battling' him??
3. Reduce your contact with him so that you don't
have to hear it.

To give you a little perspective I had a friend who
use to lie blatantly. Tried talking about it with him
but he didn't wise up. I choose option number 3 at
the end of the day for my Sanity.

At the end of the it's all about how YOU choose to
deal with it.

Devante.
 
I suppose you did go a little bit overboard with the rant but he had it coming. You probably should have dealt with it another way (calmer) earlier when you were not angry then if he kept it up blasted him.
 
I can totally relate Ceffo and understand how annoying it is.

We have a similar guy in our circle of friends who is always making up stories about how he gets into fights and smashes these guys. Like for example the weekend just gone, apparently he was waiting for a train and got jumped by 3 guys but managed to knock em all out. :rolleyes:

Every time we see him he has a different story about how he got into a fight and managed to smash multiple people. He is about 5'5 and would be lucky to weigh 60kg with no fighting training what so ever.

It isnt just me that gets annoyed from his stories but no one has said anything. The reason no one has said anything is we are starting to think he has something wrong upstairs where he feels the need to make up stories because he doesnt feel his life is interesting enough. We could be totally wrong but now we just have to figure out how to bring this up to him...
 
blbarclay said:
What does your brother in law think about him?
Click to expand...

At the moment he thinks his a tool. Since he started changing in the last 3 years and wasnt like that through high school.

I told my bro-in-law to just forget about him and stop wasting his time helping the dude 3 years trying is long enough to try an help him come to his senses about self esteem issues.
 
Farken hell ceffo you have some tickets on yourself, lol.

But seriously have conviction in your actions. Some times people simply need to be told and other times you need to apologise. You should be able to judge the difference.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
You guys can probably tell that I dont tolerate fools well.

I seldom give someone a second chance, and I react quickly on my instincts, even upon first meetings.

I should be more tolerable, but I dont have time to waste. I feel I am a good judge of character, it blows my wife away.

Thats why I was harsh on Out of control. It seems I was right.

Ceffo, your only mistake was waiting so long.

First time they mouth off, shut them down.
 
Basically what Markos is saying ceffo, is that you teach people how you want to be treated and what and what not you'd be willing to tolerate. Markos just happens to be a very lightning fast type of a teacher :D!


Fadi.
 
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