self-esteem issues

[mocha]

I can't pretend to give you sage advice in a forum post that would make it all OK, but I can say, there's some good advice in this video that you might use.

Wear Sunscreen - ENGLISH SUBTITLES - YouTube

Keep talking to those you love, ignore everyone else.

omg i LOVE that video
i saw it once a while ago
thannks!

 

[IRON TANKS]

No use comparing yourselves to others. It's hard not to sometimes. With the advent of Facebook (as already mentioned) it's much easier to peer into others' lives.

Some get engaged and do the old boring deferred life plan. Slave, save, retire. That's their choice, and so long as they're happy. Great. Others travel, have one night stands and fill their lives with as many experiences as they can. Then come back to reality in their 30's with not a dime to their name. But they'd not trade it for anything, they're content. We're all wired and shaped by our experiences in life which really determine the path we take.

I've had friends tell me 'wish I looked like you'. I say 'wish I was in cirque du soleil like you, or could draw, or have been to 21 countries like you' etc etc. Where does it end? If you continually look at what you don't have, or what you're not then damn you'll struggle to be happy.

If there are changes you can make to yourself that will boost confidence, then go for it. I was regretful 2 years ago that I had not picked up an instrument. 2 years on i'm pretty decent at playing guitar, and much happier with myself for doing so. If you wish you could do this, and do that - well hey, do it. The only person stopping you from doing these things is you. Go travel, go learn something new. Always remember that the person you wish you could be like, is probably also thinking of what they lack and not what they already have.

With regards to boob jobs, I have heavily changed my opinion on them (not just because boobs are delicious).

Of course, you need to be innately happy - but some things can really hurt ones confidence and self esteem. For me, a boob job on a girl who is basically breastless is perfectly OK if it means a boost in self esteem. It is similar to a man with gynecomastia. Sure he should be happy with himself, but in either of these situations - going to the beach, wearing clothes and just feeling good about yourself is quite difficult if you're a female with little boob (or a man WITH boob!).

It's sad when you see a girl almost fully clothed at the beach because she was teased about having mosquito bites through her late teens and early 20's.

But it's pleasing to see them 6 months on being able to wear a bikini and finally enjoy jumping in the water and laying on the beach without feeling the anxiety she previously had.

The above is a true story, and can be extrapolated to any situation. So i've completely changed my mind on the boob job thing. I guess previously I just thought boob jobs were simply an act of vanity (and in some cases, I bet they are). In some circumstances, however, it's the difference between actually feeling OK with yourself, breaking down personal barriers and mending psychological scars.

/Tangent

Edit: And this;

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

 

[IRON TANKS]

Strong video candyflip. I recognise that guys voice. Who is it?

 

[k_21]

Fascinating thread.

This has nothing to do with Boob jobs, height,
color, or short fingers!!!

We all have insecurities of various kinds (Yup
even me). The question is when those insecurities
overflow to drastically alter your life. case in point
getting a boob-job, plastic surgery, buying a BMW,
wanting to live in Sth Yarra etc etc to make yourself
feel better b/c you are not content with yourself 'inside'.

But guess what? they are fleeting. As soon as you get
the BMW or the boob-job you'll find something else to feel bad about your-self.

Do some 'personal change work' for your soul. Below
is my recommendations if anyone's interested.

Psycho Cybernetics - by Maxwell Maltz


Devante.
Yes I've read it and 100 other titles...

 

[Azz]

Strong video candyflip. I recognise that guys voice. Who is it?

Baz Luhrmann - Aussie director.

Awesome video.

 

[IRON TANKS]

Fascinating thread.

This has nothing to do with Boob jobs, height,
color, or short fingers!!!

We all have insecurities of various kinds (Yup
even me). The question is when those insecurities
overflow to drastically alter your life. case in point
getting a boob-job, plastic surgery, buying a BMW,
wanting to live in Sth Yarra etc etc to make yourself
feel better b/c you are not content with yourself 'inside'.

But guess what? they are fleeting. As soon as you get
the BMW or the boob-job you'll find something else to feel bad about your-self.

Do some 'personal change work' for your soul. Below
is my recommendations if anyone's interested.

Psycho Cybernetics - by Maxwell Maltz


Devante.
Yes I've read it and 100 other titles...

While what you say is true, there is the individual to consider. I'm a believer of the innate happiness, but there are some things that can really wreak havoc, and changing them can improve ones life MUCH more than simple psychological and mental alterations. It's not as superficial as living in Toorak, or a BMW.

I've worked in gyms and in one sad case, a guy who was completely destroyed by his gynecomastia. He would wear jumpers, avoid women, he was a no man a lot of the time. This deeply affected him. The change I saw in him once he had surgical intervention was incredible. Now, sure; he could have learned to deal with the cards he had been dealt. He could have seen numerous psychologists, read books etc. In the back of his mind however, this would not change the physical nature of his condition. It is not like he underwent this surgery and thought 'oh, now I need a nose job, chin implant etc etc'. He did this so he could feel normal. I actually saw him walking around in a t-shirt for the first time in his teenage life!

Then again there are people with gynecomastia who could care less, and simply do not care. Unfortunately this is not the same for all; so if something as scarring as this is going to help someone lead a life of increased normality, and substantially reduce anxiety/depression - then go for it.

 

[brendon]

the biggest thing i can think of is simply just not caring what other peopel think.. you sometimes have to to a certain extent, but not caring what he/she said or what people may think of you. you just be yourself,, stay strong and laugh off everything ppl say. if its not true what they say, time will show this and the people that spread crap about you will be outted and they will be the ones who feel like crap.

be happy, have confidence and the world is your own. probably already been written in the thread but the ones who tease/bully/make silly comments about looks are the most insecure.

 

[mocha]

No use comparing yourselves to others. It's hard not to sometimes. With the advent of Facebook (as already mentioned) it's much easier to peer into others' lives.

Some get engaged and do the old boring deferred life plan. Slave, save, retire. That's their choice, and so long as they're happy. Great. Others travel, have one night stands and fill their lives with as many experiences as they can. Then come back to reality in their 30's with not a dime to their name. But they'd not trade it for anything, they're content. We're all wired and shaped by our experiences in life which really determine the path we take.

I've had friends tell me 'wish I looked like you'. I say 'wish I was in cirque du soleil like you, or could draw, or have been to 21 countries like you' etc etc. Where does it end? If you continually look at what you don't have, or what you're not then damn you'll struggle to be happy.

If there are changes you can make to yourself that will boost confidence, then go for it. I was regretful 2 years ago that I had not picked up an instrument. 2 years on i'm pretty decent at playing guitar, and much happier with myself for doing so. If you wish you could do this, and do that - well hey, do it. The only person stopping you from doing these things is you. Go travel, go learn something new. Always remember that the person you wish you could be like, is probably also thinking of what they lack and not what they already have.

With regards to boob jobs, I have heavily changed my opinion on them (not just because boobs are delicious).

Of course, you need to be innately happy - but some things can really hurt ones confidence and self esteem. For me, a boob job on a girl who is basically breastless is perfectly OK if it means a boost in self esteem. It is similar to a man with gynecomastia. Sure he should be happy with himself, but in either of these situations - going to the beach, wearing clothes and just feeling good about yourself is quite difficult if you're a female with little boob (or a man WITH boob!).

It's sad when you see a girl almost fully clothed at the beach because she was teased about having mosquito bites through her late teens and early 20's.

But it's pleasing to see them 6 months on being able to wear a bikini and finally enjoy jumping in the water and laying on the beach without feeling the anxiety she previously had.

The above is a true story, and can be extrapolated to any situation. So i've completely changed my mind on the boob job thing. I guess previously I just thought boob jobs were simply an act of vanity (and in some cases, I bet they are). In some circumstances, however, it's the difference between actually feeling OK with yourself, breaking down personal barriers and mending psychological scars.

/Tangent

Edit: And this;

dude that is also my favourite poem desiderata..
ahaha its on my bed side table.. freaky.. i just read it in a magazine on a plane once and loved it and kept it.
Yeah reading that does make me feel better,, and the video too.. puts things into perspective..
I dont think i have issues with my image.. just when people say things that are uncalled for.. calling me ugly or whatever as a joke, it gets to me because i think, why would u just say that when i never asked for your opinion?
What gets me i guess is sometimes i care too much about what other people think, I try to be really nice to people and help out, and some of them step all over me, are rude, and thats when i can breakdown and think whats wrong with me, what do i do to deserve this yadda yadda..

 

[sookie]

What is stopping from doing the things you want mocha? Ir going overseas?

 

[mocha]

Fascinating thread.

This has nothing to do with Boob jobs, height,
color, or short fingers!!!

We all have insecurities of various kinds (Yup
even me). The question is when those insecurities
overflow to drastically alter your life. case in point
getting a boob-job, plastic surgery, buying a BMW,
wanting to live in Sth Yarra etc etc to make yourself
feel better b/c you are not content with yourself 'inside'.

But guess what? they are fleeting. As soon as you get
the BMW or the boob-job you'll find something else to feel bad about your-self.

Do some 'personal change work' for your soul. Below
is my recommendations if anyone's interested.

Psycho Cybernetics - by Maxwell Maltz


Devante.
Yes I've read it and 100 other titles...

Just read abit of it on amazon.. sounds similar to this other book actually called,
dont sweat the small stuff...and its all small stuff.. that was a good book and i guess it worked for abit till i forgot about all the things it told me to do/ways to think..
I should read it again

 

[mocha]

What is stopping from doing the things you want mocha? Ir going overseas?

Im going overseas in Jan actually.. my bf is paying for alot of it.. so im very lucky with that Ive just been jealous of the freedom, like other people going overseas.. and living here and there .. everywhere.. but im at uni atm.
Im sure it can be done but ive just found it so hard saving.. at uni 4 days a week and work fridays.. sometimes saturday..
Im not eligible for youth allowance so it doesnt seem to be enough money to save..
apart from that not much is stopping me

 

[The Hamburgler]

LOL money is shit.

This time last year I was hoping I would be living overseas by now.

Ah well shit happens as they say!

Finish your uni first then use the overseas trip as a reward to yourself.

 

[IRON TANKS]

Often the people that dig at you have their own insecurity issues, so they pick and prod. Nasty thing to do. Just need to learn in your own way the best mechanisms to deal with it.

Be realistic about it though. You shouldn't care what others think of you, but we often do. Moreso people we look up to, admire or hold to a higher esteem. Just remember that even the people who you'd think would not have any insecurities often are the worst! Some of the most drop dead gorgeous women i've been with have been incredibly insecure about their body image. Incredibly self destructive behavior, and sad to see. On the contrary, some of them have been very very confident.

The older I get the less I give a shit. I'm fortunate to never have been picked on really at all (popular, bigger kid) but I wasn't a bully. I saw people and friends around me really damaged by some of the stuff they experienced as a child. People often say 'harden up' or 'don't listen to them'. To a degree this is true, but often issues we have in our late teens, 20's and even 30's are deep seeded from and carried forward from earlier on in life, when we didn't have the ability or knowledge with how to cope with them. The other problem with this day and age is these reality TV programs and other bullshit on TV. 'Cribs'. Gives a totally unrealistic portrayal of life.

I strongly recommend reading (or watching) the following books and documentaries by Alaine De Botton.

1. The consolations of philosophy
2. Status Anxiety

/End Psychology

 

[candyflip]

Baz Luhrmann - Aussie director.

Awesome video.

Actually, no. The credits on that video are erroneous.

It's Lee Perry (evidence: here) - Baz Luhrmann directed the film that the samples were used in (Romeo & Juliet) and he produced the song with Josh Abrahams and Anton Monsted.

At 45, some of this advice, especially about old friends, your siblings, and your parents, is so true. Good stuff.

 

[pistachio]

this sounds like when guys say, "ill feel more cofident with bigger muscles." I can honestly say that with bigger muscles, my confidence has stayed the same

Speak for yourself lol, I can honestly say my confidence is leaps and bounds above where it was when my hips were wider than my shoulders!!

mocha, I think for most people, confidence is earned. Some people are born naturally confident, others need to earn it for themselves, through self improvement or from their achievements.

Re the boob job, it may make you more confident and it may make you feel better about yourself. It may also be botched (although find a reputable surgeon and this shouldn't be a problem). Personally, I think they are fine as long as you can't tell they are fake. Fake boobs are a turn off in my mind.

As others have said, you may just find something else to be insecure about tho. (I'm slowing working on every aspect of myself so that hopefully there will be nothing I am insecure about )

 

[oldcorollas]

when you finish uni, you could think about doing a postgrad/doc position/job overseas?
depending on your degree, there are ways and means to get fully supported to do it.

confident people just have less "unconfidence" than other people, but doesn't mean they aren't insecure away from the cameras... you'd have to be incredibly shallow to have nothing to worry about at all....

FB etc are terrible for just giving you the 0.5% snapshot of the things actually going right for some people.... the other 99.5% of their life could be shite.