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fatherhood

AND it gets easier...they're much harder work when they're infants, up until they're 3 or so...then it gets fun :)

Although I loved my Sophie soooo much as a baby...I miss breastfeeding and cuddling...and that beautiful baby face that would fall asleep in my arms....awwww

Speaking of the joys of parenting..my now 8 year old thought it would be a terrific idea to make a cubby house this morning while I was in the shower........out of 8 rolls of toilet paperrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

am looking to re-home her....lolol
 
i was involved in an awkward conversation last nnight. Ms PB was saying how unfair that her sister and my sister in law are pregnant and 'she is not allowed to have a baby'.

So we ventured into a few different topics. I explained that babies cost a lot of coin....which she obviously knows since she has a set oof twins. I also explained that 'we have a pretty good lives (and elaborated on why). I was told that her life isn't that great and she really wants that little gift. I stepped back and said 'i' have a pretty good life and don't want to risk losing it. It would mean a huge lifestyle change and a pretty big commitment.

She asked how id feel if her twins were with us full time (they spend a lot of living time with their dad). I said I would like it and that I understood how she felt while still feeling the same.

Pretty awkward really!!
 
Don't get pushed into it if it's not what you want.
It will be a lifetime commitment for you.
 
Agree with Hulk.

Most people know if they do or don't want kids. If you're unsure, or really genuinely aren't convinced you want to have one. Then don't Pete.

Honesty, counts for everything. Children deserve to be very wanted & very loved. You should never feel pressured into creating a new life. It's a huge deal!

And like Hulk said, its definitely a forever commitment.

This conversation would have been awkward, my heart hurt a little reading your post...but the more difficult subjects in life, usually are uncomfortable & awkward unfortunately.

Keep the dialogue open Pete.

Can I ask why the twins don't live with their Mum? We've come a long way as a society, but its still quite unusual to have children living with their father as their primary care giver?

Perhaps if she had the twins full time, she wouldn't have such a strong desire for another baby right now?

Sophie, my little one, whilst beautiful, clever imaginative & so very very loved....really is the best killer of my biological clock lolol
 
I am going to be intentionally vague for this next post.

The little ones live mostly with their Dad because of the decision they made at the negotiating meetings they had post marriage. She was in a position late into the r'ship that she wasn't thinking straight and was/is a bully that he pretty much had her over a barrell.

He has stopped at almsot nothing to put her in a position of discomfort. Latter last year he forced a debt (of his) onto her (underhandedly) of near $20k.

The plan was that he would be a stay home single dad for a period of 2 years (till they went to school). That promise lasted only a few months. Shortly after he started having sleep overs with a lady...who already had children. They are now married and have a baby of their own.

Even now Ms PB thinks she is a bad mum becasue of the choice she made. When finding out what the plan was, I remember thinking that it was TBH not a wise choice...but since the children aren't my responsability...that I would stay out of it. Every day i think about it and how I should've said something. Though it probably wouldn't have acheived much.

So yeah...she wasn't really thinking straight at the time of seperation due to a lot of things going on in her life. He was a uber prick then and still is now. The main reason she was hanging onto the r'ship was becasue of the two awesome little bundles of joy, which really is a terrible reason to be in a r'ship. So much time has passed....that for her to even apply for full time care of the kids..it is unlikely to happen since they've spent the last few years with their Dad, their step mum (who I don't like) and her two kids.
 
PowerBuilder said:
I am going to be intentionally vague for this next post.

The little ones live mostly with their Dad because of the decision they made at the negotiating meetings they had post marriage. She was in a position late into the r'ship that she wasn't thinking straight and was/is a bully that he pretty much had her over a barrell.

He has stopped at almsot nothing to put her in a position of discomfort. Latter last year he forced a debt (of his) onto her (underhandedly) of near $20k.

The plan was that he would be a stay home single dad for a period of 2 years (till they went to school). That promise lasted only a few months. Shortly after he started having sleep overs with a lady...who already had children. They are now married and have a baby of their own.

Even now Ms PB thinks she is a bad mum becasue of the choice she made. When finding out what the plan was, I remember thinking that it was TBH not a wise choice...but since the children aren't my responsability...that I would stay out of it. Every day i think about it and how I should've said something. Though it probably wouldn't have acheived much.

So yeah...she wasn't really thinking straight at the time of seperation due to a lot of things going on in her life. He was a uber prick then and still is now. The main reason she was hanging onto the r'ship was becasue of the two awesome little bundles of joy, which really is a terrible reason to be in a r'ship. So much time has passed....that for her to even apply for full time care of the kids..it is unlikely to happen since they've spent the last few years with their Dad, their step mum (who I don't like) and her two kids.
Click to expand...

Yeah, given that Dad has been primary caregiver, it is highly unlikely that full custody would be granted to Ms PB, assuming Dad is taking care if them adequately etc - which I assume is the case.

Ahhh Pete. Difficult predicament for you too...

But in the end, YOU have to be ready for a baby & have the desire to have a child, with her. If you're unsure of that, then don't do it.

Ms PB is very lucky to have a man in her life who thinks her twins are fantastic ;)

Thats an incredible gift in itself.

Hang in there. Give your other half a big cuddle when you get home, from Bella :)

I can't imagine being without my daughter, so I'm certain she feels so many conflicting things...but I suppose in the end, quite simply, we're just meant to love them.

And she can still do that, like a boss ;)

Both of you can.

(I understand why she yearns for another baby though, given the circumstances with the twins.) I have great compassion for that.

But it has to be right, for both of you.
 
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