• Keep up to date with Ausbb via Twitter and Facebook. Please add us!
  • Join the Ausbb - Australian BodyBuilding forum

    If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact contact us.

    The Ausbb - Australian BodyBuilding forum is dedicated to no nonsense muscle and strength building. If you need advice that works, you have come to the right place. This forum focuses on building strength and muscle using the basics. You will also find that the Ausbb- Australian Bodybuilding Forum stresses encouragement and respect. Trolls and name calling are not allowed here. No matter what your personal goals are, you will be given effective advice that produces results.

    Please consider registering. It takes 30 seconds, and will allow you to get the most out of the forum.

marriage/partnership of convenience?

TrentZor

TrentZor

Member
I see a fair few couples around who are together just because they are lonely. There's no real love there just materialistic or just plan companionship.
For g.

1. You have the old guy with the girl half his age. (he wants her physically she wants the financial support)..
2. The 40 ish year old couple who have no interests in common. Yet realize its too late in their lives to start a family or anything and living a defacto relationship. The always out with other friends but seem only to be together for the physical aspect.

I still wonder what goes through some of these people minds. I couldn't be married to a person i had no shared interests or bear the sight of every morning.
 
For some people, a spouse is like a job or car. Everyone has one, I have to have one or I'm a loser. Whether this particular one or even having one at all is right for me, well...

And then people get caught up in the day-to-day details of their job or their home, doing projects, paying bills, wondering where to go on holidays and what to do with the kids, and... miss the bigger picture. Or they're so entwined in that job or their family they can't see the sense in leaving. For example, if a woman and man have four children together but are unhappy, if they want to be good parents then no matter what they're going to be in each-other's lives for the next 15-20 years anyway. There'll be bills to pay, kids to drive around and spend time with, and so on. Even after the breakup they'll spend more time with each-other than with any other person. So why bother? the person might think.

It's sad, but it's normal and human.

I would caution, though, that an intimate relationship is hard for outsiders to judge. You don't really know what happens between two people. Lots of apparently mismatched couples are joyfully happy, lots of well-matched ones are miserable. You just can't judge. Sometimes you can't even judge from their own words, they might only tell you the good stuff or only the bad stuff.
 
Last edited:
Kyle Aaron said:
I would caution, though, that an intimate relationship is hard for outsiders to judge. You don't really know what happens between two people. Lots of apparently mismatched couples are joyfully happy, lots of well-matched ones are miserable. You just can't judge. Sometimes you can't even judge from their own words, they might only tell you the good stuff or only the bad stuff.
Click to expand...

Quite true what u have written so far.. A couple i know have admitted (seperately) they dont know if they "love the other person" but see them as something thats there (materialistic) as u have mentioned.
 
Ceffo,

I like these topics you come up with. It's my
'hobby'.

So here goes. My belief is that the reason for most
relationship issues is that both parties 'never learned'
to be productive individuals! Since 8yrs old the pre-dominant
paradigm is to go to school, got to uni, get a job, get a
gal or (guy if you are female) get married, have babies,
pass on that same vicious cycle to the new generation!

I know these are HUGE generalisations but this is the
common paradigm I see. This becomes even harder when
you don't have any role models growing up to 'bounce'
ideas off.

So in a nut shell (speaking from self experience and
observations) before we become independent (I mean this
in the true sense of the word. Not just moving out!!) we
end with a g/f but not knowing how to handle it! Then
before you know it it's 5yrs down the track 2 kids and you
think as Kyle has stated it's better the 'devil you know than
the devil that's waiting for me'.....


I know there are numerous other factors (self esteem, cultural/
religious background, abuse, etc tec) that affect
this scenario; this is the 3 minute version.

Devante.
 
k_21 said:
as Kyle has stated it's better the 'devil you know than
the devil that's waiting for me'.....
Click to expand...
I didn't say that. What I said is that people become accustomed to the life they're living and see the best in it.

I heard about a test some scientists did once. They gave people 10 paintings, and asked them to rank them in order of "best" to "worst" - just their own subjective ratings. Then they told them, "We wanted to give everyone their favourite painting, yours was too popular, we've run out, but we've got your third favourite, would you like that?" The person took that home.

Then they got them in a month later and asked them to rank the paintings again. Turns out, the person puts the one they took home 1st now.

You could view this cynically, or you could simply say that given time, people learn to appreciate the good in anything. We adjust. We get used to things, and learn to like them.

People's lives have a certain inertia. In physics, inertia is the tendency of an object to keep moving at the same speed in the same direction as it was before, unless acted on by an outside force. The decisions we take are often of the nature, "I'll just keep doing what I've been doing." This is more likely if we have big and complex decisions to make, like whether to leave our spouses. Dan Ariely talks about the judgment of relative options (including the paintings) [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ERQEVdIinc]here[/ame], but more stuff along the lines of inertia here and also here.

This inertia is actually a good thing in some ways. It means that we are overall happy instead of overall miserable, and that we give other people a fair go. If we changed our minds and lives at the drop of a hat, nobody could rely on anybody and life would be very messy and miserable.
 
Last edited:
It all comes together when you meet someone more than you like yourself.

Boys aren't ready to commit until they are over 30.
These are the ones that have good relationships with their mothers.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
Fathers send this message:
Son sow your wild oats through the week just pray for crop failure on the Sunday.
Daughter, you are not going out with that scum bag.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
Ceffo, can I suggest you use the 'align right' button for the text in your posts from now on. It might help me read them and not get distracted by your avatar :o

P.S. Where do you get them, they're gold! Actually, don't answer that, if everyone starts doing that, nothing will get read, and the forum will melt down.
 
DKD said:
Ceffo, can I suggest you use the 'align right' button for the text in your posts from now on. It might help me read them and not get distracted by your avatar :o

P.S. Where do you get them, they're gold! Actually, don't answer that, if everyone starts doing that, nothing will get read, and the forum will melt down.
Click to expand...
I probably should be posting this but try here. NSFW
GIFS :: Share your Gifs with friends : adult friends: GIFTUBE.COM
 
ceffo said:
I see a fair few couples around who are together just because they are lonely. There's no real love there just materialistic or just plan companionship.
For g.

1. You have the old guy with the girl half his age. (he wants her physically she wants the financial support)..
2. The 40 ish year old couple who have no interests in common. Yet realize its too late in their lives to start a family or anything and living a defacto relationship. The always out with other friends but seem only to be together for the physical aspect.

I still wonder what goes through some of these people minds. I couldn't be married to a person i had no shared interests or bear the sight of every morning.
Click to expand...

You are describing almost everyone. Everyone has problem but everyone has reasons why they are with their partners... How is 1 reason mrs valid then another. Have an oxytocin injection and see if you "love" your partner more, then you realize that love is A chemical reaction to stimuli it sort of takes the fairy tale away from it.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
ceffo said:
I see a fair few couples around who are together just because they are lonely. There's no real love there just materialistic or just plan companionship.
For g.

1. You have the old guy with the girl half his age. (he wants her physically she wants the financial support)..
2. The 40 ish year old couple who have no interests in common. Yet realize its too late in their lives to start a family or anything and living a defacto relationship. The always out with other friends but seem only to be together for the physical aspect.

I still wonder what goes through some of these people minds. I couldn't be married to a person i had no shared interests or bear the sight of every morning.
Click to expand...

You are describing almost everyone. Everyone has problem but everyone has reasons why they are with their partners... How is 1 reason mrs valid then another. Have an oxytocin injection and see if you "love" your partner more, then you realize that love is A chemical reaction to stimuli it sort of takes the fairy tale away from it.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
If it could all be reduced to chemicals then our governments really would be controlling us all with chemicals in the water like the crazy conspiracy theorists think they are ;)

It's both more complicated than that, and simpler.
 
Kyle Aaron said:
If it could all be reduced to chemicals then our governments really would be controlling us all with chemicals in the water like the crazy conspiracy theorists think they are ;)

It's both more complicated than that, and simpler.
Click to expand...


I think it all does come down to chemicals and neurological responses but I don't think science has gone far enough to be able to harness all of it. Interesting topic though.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top