My Essendon Lie – By James Hird
(Sung To the tune of ‘American Pie’)
A long, long time ago
I can still remember how Shane Charters used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance that I could make my players dance,
And maybe they'd be stronger for a while.
But 2013 made me shiver with every paper that was delivered,
Barratt on my doorstep - I couldn't take one more step.
I can't remember if I cried when I read about how they proved I lied,
But something touched me deep inside the day my fiction, died.
So bye-bye, to my Essendon Lie,
Took my Bombers to the top, and built up our pride.
And my good old boys injectin’ another peptide, singing…
"No-one will ever know that we lied,
No-one will ever know that we lied."
Did you write the book of push & shove and do you have faith in Demetriou above?
If the AFL tells you so.
Now do you believe in 9604? And how drugs can save your football soul?
And can you teach me how to inject - real slow?
Well, you know that I was in love with Dank, since I saw him injectin’ out the back.
We both beefed up our tans, to show off to all our fans.
I was a lonely rookie coachin' buck, with a Brownlow medal and a million bucks,
But I knew I was out of luck the day they found I lied.
I started singin' bye-bye, to my Essendon Lie,
Took my Bombers to the top, but then our hamstrings died.
And my good old boys injectin’ another peptide, singing…
"Hope they never find out we lied,
Hope they never find out we lied."
Now for ten games we've been out on our own, with hidden texts on my mobile phone,
But that's not how it used to be.
When the rumours came that we weren’t clean, when in truth we were as high as James Dean
“But the drugs came from Dank, not me.”
And while me, the King, was counting cash, ASADA found my hidden stash.
The courtroom was adjourned - until the ASADA verdict was returned.
And while Sam Newman read a book from FARC, the media stakeout in the park
And we injected in the dark, the day our dreams died.
We were singin' bye-bye, to my Essendon Lie,
Took my Bombers to the top, but no-one knew why.
And my good old boys injectin’ another peptide, singing…
"Do you think that the media has spied?
Do you think that the media has spied?"
Helter Skelter in a winter swelter, the wheels fell off in another belter.
Seventh place now and falling fast.
Another player lying on the grass
A hamstring sprung trying a short pass, another player on the sidelines in a cast.
Now the premiership air is sweet perfume, while Meatloaf sings an awful tune.
We’d all love the September dance, Oh, but we’ll never get the chance
'Cause if the players try to take the field – will ASADA refuse to yield?
Will we ever really know what was revealed the day my dream died?
We were singin' bye-bye, to my Essendon Lie,
Took my Bombers to the top, but then David Evans cried.
And my good old boys injectin’ another peptide, singing…
"ASADA’s looking and I’d better go hide,
ASADA’s looking and I’d better go hide."
And there we were all in one place, an entire season lost in space
With no chance left to start again.
So, come on, Jobe be nimble, Jobe be quick - Watson sat “On the Couch” real quick, ‘cause
Roosy is the Demon’s only friend.
And as I watched him on the stage, my hands were clenched in fists of rage.
No angel born in Hell could break that Roosy spell.
And as the ratings climbed high into the night to light the sacrificial rite,
I saw Roosy laughing with delight. That’s when, they knew, I lied.
He was singin' bye-bye, to my Essendon Lie,
Took my Bombers to the top, but our success was a lie.
And my good old boys injectin’ another peptide, singing…
"Now our premiership dreams are fried,
Now our premiership dreams are fried."
I asked my wife, who hates the Blues, and I asked her for some happy news
But she just smiled and turned away.
I went down to the AFL store where they all loved me years before
But the man there said that finals, we wouldn't play.
And in Bay 13, the Bombers screamed, the Magpies cried and the Hawks all dreamed,
But not a word was spoken - the servers all were broken.
And the three men I admire most: The Demetriou, The Dank and the Charters Ghost
They caught the last train for the coast the day they’d found I’d lied.
And they were singin' bye-bye, to my Essendon Lie,
Took my Bombers to the top, but then our hamstrings died.
And my good old boys injectin’ another peptide, singing…
"I can’t believe they found out we lied,
About ever having seen a peptide.”
They were singin' bye-bye, to my Essendon Lie,
Took my Bombers to the top, but then our hamstrings died.
And my good old boys injectin’ another peptide, singing…
"I can’t believe they found out we lied.”