Saturday, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday:
5-6 protein shakes throughout the day (and one overnight, which I'd leave on the toilet and chug while peeing) comprised of 40-60 grams of protein.
On two of these four days I typically substitute one shake at lunch with wings or other no-carb meat. Once you hit single digit bodyfat, you can make this a four day affair.
On one of these days, try to fit in a protein sparing modified fast (i.e. consume nothing but protein shakes) until you hit single digits. I recommend placing this day on Saturday, in between your Rampage and high-calorie keto days, so as to keep your metabolism stimulated and reap the benefits of alternate-day fasting.
1500-3000 calories of fatty meat, preferably on the bone, in the evening.
Wednesday:
5-6 protein shakes throughout the day (and one overnight).
Less calorically dense meat for dinner (t-bone, ribeye, or NY Strip steak, leaving the fattiest bits behind. This is to ensure that you’re still cycling your calories, even if you’re skipping the protein sparing modified fast day.
Friday (Rampage Day):
Today is going to be characterized by medium- to low- (but not no-) carb meals throughout the day. Restrict your meals to 50 grams of carbohydrates or less per meal, and keep your fat low to ensure carbohydrate reuptake. This is the polar opposite of your typical day, so just bear in mind that your carbohydrates and fat should be inversely proportional at all but the Rampage meal.
Rampage! This is going to be a three hour cheat window that I’ll detail in the next installment.
Sunday:
Higher calorie keto day. Ensure that you eat two solid food meals on this day, preferably of fattier meat on the bone- think wings, ribs, chops, etc.
5-6 protein shakes throughout the day (and one overnight).
During this phase, you should be making progress like a fratboy with a sorostitute in his dorm room- you’re nearly there. Unlike said fratboy, however, you’ll likely find rohipnol unnecessary, though you might benefit from the following:
Avoid doing cardio. Though utilizing a CKD (Cyclical Ketogenic Diet) as opposed to a TKD should forestall muscle catabolism brought on by high volumes of work in the gym, aerobic exercise taxes your anaerobic substrates too heavily.(Duchaine 132) Since this could lead to muscle loss, I’d avoid it. For the forty three thousand rugby athletes who’ve emailed me about this diet (sweet fucking Christ a lot of you like wearing striped shirts), you’ll want to follow the Whiny Bitch permutation of this diet, which is forthcoming.
Supplement with Chromium Polynicotinate or Vanadyl Sulfate. Both minerals work to regulate your blood sugar and insulin levels, and might aid in training and recomposition as a result.(Duchaine 131)
Don’t skip or skimp on your Rampage day. I cannot imagine a person actually doing so, but based on the emails I get, a lot of you do some tremendously stupid shit. Don’t be one of those guys- Rampage like your name is King Kong once a week. If you’re curious as to why, there’s a good reason- you cannot sustain high intensity training indefinitely in the total absence of dietary carbohydrates and expect to make continued progress. You do have some glycogen resynthesis that naturally occurs as a result of weight training, though it’s relatively small.(McDonald KD 122) As such, you need to hit the Rampage once a week to ensure you replenish glycogen stores. Skipping or postponing your Rampage in this stage will, at best, make you fucking miserable, and at worst, reduce or eliminate your gains. Since this diet is all about being fucking awesome, reducing your potential for awesome is counter-intuitive.
Consume stimulants. They’ll fuel your workouts and they help establish and deepen your levels of ketosis.(McDonald KD 116) Additionally, amphetamines have been shown in recent studies to increase the effect of dopamine on your brain, which increases motivation for both physical and mental activities.(Ito) Happily for us, ephedrine is an amphetamine, so feel free to make use of the wonderful bounty that is ephedrine and all of its amphetaminy goodness. You'll be focused like a pedophile on a preschool playground when you hit the gym, find dieting easier, and generally be more awesome. For those of you with heart problems, moral issues, religious issues, or simply think you’re better than the rest of us, feel free to abstain. Stimulants, while not necessary on this diet, definitely help.
Drink if you want. Though by no means necessary, and done to excess will fuck up your gains, drinking can actually help you deepen your levels of ketosis.(McDonald 115) Alcohol itself gets converted to ketones in the absence of dietary carbohydrates, which means that it won’t fuck up your diet beyond replacing the ketones your body would produce from the conversion of stored bodyfat. Thus, it can slow fat loss if done to excess, but will not fuck up your ketogenesis. This is, of course, assuming you stick to non-carbohydrate laden alcohol like vodka, gin, tequila, Everclear, etc. Additionally, Robb Wolff recommends you drink as early as possible to allow the alcohol to clear your system before bedtime to avoid completely shutting down GH release overnight. One of the best things you can consume, alcohol wise, on this diet is the disgusting old-timey gin and tonic, garnished with lime. The lime juice blunts insulin release while the tonic water acts as a “non-polar solvent” that delivers the alchol into your system faster.(Wolff 138) Wolff actually recommends the Crossfitters’ drink of choice, the NorCal Margarita, but it occurred to me as I wrote this that the drink of choice in the period of British Colonialism will do the job just as well, while additionally conferring resistance to malaria. Thus, feel free to show up to your local gin bar rocking a monocle and a comically undersized safari outfit to cover all of your bases. At the very least, you’ll annoy the holy fuck out of the hipsters drinking that vile bullshit, which makes it a victory no matter what.
