Oasis active

RyanF said:

Since my girlfriend broke up with me 6 weeks ago and is adamantly unwilling to reconcile things (apparently, despite being incredibly compatible on every conceivable level, we're irreconcilably different :S seems to me there must be some deep-seeded stuff there that she's not been willing to acknowledge or deal with in the 3 years we were together), in the last week I decided to set up a profile on Oasis Active. I don't expect anything to come of it, I mostly just set it up to put myself in the frame of mind that it's okay to be looking at other females for their potential as spouses, to help me move on from her.

What I've found, in my age range at least, is that almost every girl on the site either isn't very well acquainted with herself, or isn't confident in who she is. This is evident by the barrage of profiles that are basically this, only with worse spelling and grammar: "Hi, I'm ______, I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, lol. I'm shy at first, but once you get to know me I really open up and you won't be able to shut me up. I'm down to earth, bubbly, and like to have fun with friends and family and chillaxing. If you want to know more, just ask!"

Wow, honey, that's really informative, except for the fact that it tells me nothing I couldn't have guessed based solely on you being born a human. When I see this sort of profile, I feel very little inclination to respond to it, because I'm yet to see any indication that she's an interesting, reflective person.

Of course, there have been a couple interesting profiles I've seen. One started with something like: "Hi, I'm Michelle. Michelle is a French name, unlike Gertrude which is just a bad name." Another started with something like: "Yarg, I be a pirate! I swashbuckle with ye colonels and fire cannons at me maties' legs. I drink beer while fondling me wenches."

Alas, the interesting ones are few and far between.

ETA: Fun fact, I've received a few flirts on there so far...just not from females.

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pistachio said:

I feel your pain man, I really do.

Honestly tho, if you meet anyone, expect them to look at least 10kgs heavier and unless their photos are CRYSTAL clear, they will have terrible skin. And if they have photos of them on a side profile only, they are at least 20kgs heavier.

It's fucking annoying, I should really have more options than this.

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KungFooGoo said:

Ahhh... the old myspace angle... If there isn't a full body photo... Add 10kg's at least.. If she has massive bug eye glasses and "pouting" she's been raped with the ugly stick.

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buddy said:

the "myspace angle"

we have a few experts of it here...

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buddy said:

sounds like you described your photos on here... lol

not srs

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pistachio said:

I feel your pain man, I really do.

Honestly tho, if you meet anyone, expect them to look at least 10kgs heavier and unless their photos are CRYSTAL clear, they will have terrible skin. And if they have photos of them on a side profile only, they are at least 20kgs heavier.

It's fucking annoying, I should really have more options than this.

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KungFooGoo said:

This always makes KungFooGoo lol..

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KungFooGoo said:

It describes the "ab" photo that was put up... That was myspace angle, had to have dim lights and tense everything up. KungFooGoo also has photos with a balaclava on so that means he was raped with the ugly stick.

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Adrian440 said:

Pistachio, your a good looking bloke (no homo), just wait for the right girl to approach you, I'm sure it won't take long. Go shopping and chat up a check out chick or something lol.


Stay positive man.


(also nfi why my writing is bold, can't get rid of it)

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Adrian440 said:

Ryan, you got to have the write set up, have this for your description.

Oasis Active says that I should write a description of myself to not waste my time and be successful in my quest to find a heavenly blessed beauty whose beauty is divine and everlasting so here goes nothing. Nutrition and staying in shape is a big part of my life. So if you are a land beast you'll save yourself some time if you just stop reading here and move on to your next prey. If you are an aesthetically pleasing heavenly blessed beauty who cares about your body and health feel free to continue.

Hobbies: After a hard week of work I like to hit the town and let my hair down. That could entail going to the bar with friends or hitting the club and fighting the beat all night long. I'm always down for something new as well. That could be sitting at home cuddling with a special someone next to the fire on a cold night, watching Pretty Little Liars and discussing the difference between jam and jelly during the commercial breaks. Now for this to happen it would require that "special someone" to have extraordinary sandwich making capabilities and no gag reflex, but I'm not saying it's out of the question. In my free time I like to exercise my nack for writing romantic poems, if you play your cards right I might just write one about you.

Goals/Aspirations: When I was a young boy in the 4th grade I remember going to the history museum and seeing this statue of Zeus. And as I was standing there mesmerized by the statue I could hear my teacher telling the class that we could be anything we wanted to be. That instant I decided I wanted to become a Greek god. From that moment on I was in the gym every day, taking my multi and lifting heavy. By the time I was in middle school I was already a straight up beast. I was making 8th grade girls’ panties wet when I would walk down the hall, and every beta phaggot in the school was mirin' my jack3d fibras. My goal in life is to have the ability to make every vagina in the building flow like the Nile. When I walk into the club I want to see every chick ravage one another to get a glimpse of my aesthetics, and hope that by the end of the night they are the one I choose to make my bedroom acrobat. That's what keeps me going; that desire to be a gift from above to women and an example of what the human body can do.

Let’s see here, what makes me unique? I guess we would have to engage in some harmless discourse and perhaps a picture exchange, then you could be the judge of what makes me unique.

Music: I like everything from classical to DJ Tiesto. But I can’t stand that emo/screamo racket they call music. It’s for the depressed and those who gave up on life. A man fights and fights and fights some more, because surrender is death and death is for pussies… and my ass ain’t no pussy, I’m a fukking champion.

Now after reading this if you think I am some sort of selfish and cocky ashole you may want to read on. I love the feeling I get after helping someone less fortunate than myself. For instance: the other night I convinced a hooker named Laquisha to stop using her herpes as a wall to hide her true self. I explained to her that she needed to drop those walls and spread her wings; there are plenty of men out there who can look past the sores and see her inner beauty. Without men like that, our news would be saturated with stories of women committing suicide and we would never here of the real news like the next emerging fashion trend. Now I’m a fashion savvy guy so I took her to Good Will and bought her a few turquoise necklaces to give her a head start on the next trend and her new life. Afterwards I felt this warm compassion in my heart and that cannot be rivaled by even the strongest doses of Jack3d.

The first date all depends on the girl. It would usually consist of us awkwardly talking about our interests and aspirations in life over a nice Italian dinner. If we click, or I just managed to get you drunk enough, we would go back to my humble abode and proceed to have some fun. Since this handy little thing called Oasis Active.com has already got the first half taken care of I don't see why our first date can't just be a nice home cooked dinner at my place (you, as the woman, would have to cook it of course) and we could sip on some Henney and jump straight to the latter. But I'll leave it open to a little wiggle room.

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Adrian440 said:

Ryan, you got to have the write set up, have this for your description.

Oasis Active says that I should write a description of myself to not waste my time and be successful in my quest to find a heavenly blessed beauty whose beauty is divine and everlasting so here goes nothing. Nutrition and staying in shape is a big part of my life. So if you are a land beast you'll save yourself some time if you just stop reading here and move on to your next prey. If you are an aesthetically pleasing heavenly blessed beauty who cares about your body and health feel free to continue.

Hobbies: After a hard week of work I like to hit the town and let my hair down. That could entail going to the bar with friends or hitting the club and fighting the beat all night long. I'm always down for something new as well. That could be sitting at home cuddling with a special someone next to the fire on a cold night, watching Pretty Little Liars and discussing the difference between jam and jelly during the commercial breaks. Now for this to happen it would require that "special someone" to have extraordinary sandwich making capabilities and no gag reflex, but I'm not saying it's out of the question. In my free time I like to exercise my nack for writing romantic poems, if you play your cards right I might just write one about you.

Goals/Aspirations: When I was a young boy in the 4th grade I remember going to the history museum and seeing this statue of Zeus. And as I was standing there mesmerized by the statue I could hear my teacher telling the class that we could be anything we wanted to be. That instant I decided I wanted to become a Greek god. From that moment on I was in the gym every day, taking my multi and lifting heavy. By the time I was in middle school I was already a straight up beast. I was making 8th grade girls’ panties wet when I would walk down the hall, and every beta phaggot in the school was mirin' my jack3d fibras. My goal in life is to have the ability to make every vagina in the building flow like the Nile. When I walk into the club I want to see every chick ravage one another to get a glimpse of my aesthetics, and hope that by the end of the night they are the one I choose to make my bedroom acrobat. That's what keeps me going; that desire to be a gift from above to women and an example of what the human body can do.

Let’s see here, what makes me unique? I guess we would have to engage in some harmless discourse and perhaps a picture exchange, then you could be the judge of what makes me unique.

Music: I like everything from classical to DJ Tiesto. But I can’t stand that emo/screamo racket they call music. It’s for the depressed and those who gave up on life. A man fights and fights and fights some more, because surrender is death and death is for pussies… and my ass ain’t no pussy, I’m a fukking champion.

Now after reading this if you think I am some sort of selfish and cocky ashole you may want to read on. I love the feeling I get after helping someone less fortunate than myself. For instance: the other night I convinced a hooker named Laquisha to stop using her herpes as a wall to hide her true self. I explained to her that she needed to drop those walls and spread her wings; there are plenty of men out there who can look past the sores and see her inner beauty. Without men like that, our news would be saturated with stories of women committing suicide and we would never here of the real news like the next emerging fashion trend. Now I’m a fashion savvy guy so I took her to Good Will and bought her a few turquoise necklaces to give her a head start on the next trend and her new life. Afterwards I felt this warm compassion in my heart and that cannot be rivaled by even the strongest doses of Jack3d.

The first date all depends on the girl. It would usually consist of us awkwardly talking about our interests and aspirations in life over a nice Italian dinner. If we click, or I just managed to get you drunk enough, we would go back to my humble abode and proceed to have some fun. Since this handy little thing called Oasis Active.com has already got the first half taken care of I don't see why our first date can't just be a nice home cooked dinner at my place (you, as the woman, would have to cook it of course) and we could sip on some Henney and jump straight to the latter. But I'll leave it open to a little wiggle room.

Click to expand...