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I'm not affectionate

chopsuey

chopsuey

New member
So hubby says I'm not affectionate enough.

He likes to cuddle etc, I don't mind - but rarely do I initiate a cuddle. I have been trying lately though.

He went out earlier and as he left I said that I loved him, he looked at me and walked out. No response or anything.

Three hours later he returns. The kids have worn me down, I'm tired etc. he carries on like I'm not even here. I confront him about what's going on - is he ok etc? He starts up about me not being affectionate. I reminded him of what I said prior to him leaving as he went out and he said they were just words etc. that really hurt.

I grew up in a household where there was little affection shown in the cuddle sense. We did things like cook, buy a gift, or some other practical task to help the other person out.

This has been a reoccurring thing. It's like he just doesn't give a shit now.
 
Sorry but need more details.

How old are you?? How old is he?? How long you been together?? How old are the kids?? Do you both work?? Do you both work doing house chores?? Any financial stress or other issues?? Are you intimate together? Who initiates??

Sorry some of these might be a bit personal but hard to make an assessment without knowing at least the basics?
 
You just haven't met an alpha worthy of your affection yet.


Hi I'm brick...................
 
Brick said:
You just haven't met an alpha worthy of your affection yet.


Hi I'm brick...................
Click to expand...

..And still hasn't met one.

;)

Sorry I can't offer any useful advice fatty - End of the day, it will work or it wont. If he's high maintenance, as Kaz said, and wants someone who's going to dote on him and offer him a cuddle and a blowjob every time he walks in the door then you need to evaluate if you're that person. We aren't all the same - some like to be touchy feely with their partners, others like to maintain their space (as it sounds like you do).
 
Big Mick said:
Sorry but need more details.

How old are you?? How old is he?? How long you been together?? How old are the kids?? Do you both work?? Do you both work doing house chores?? Any financial stress or other issues?? Are you intimate together? Who initiates??

Sorry some of these might be a bit personal but hard to make an assessment without knowing at least the basics?
Click to expand...

Fair call..makes sense.

I'm 33. He is 42.
Together for 7 years with a 5, 4 and 2 year old.
We both are full time shift workers - working opposite hours, so when the family is all together we find me and him clash doing the day to day stuff sometimes but it's usually in biggy. Yep, we both do the household chores 50/50 pretty much.
No financial stress. Only other stress we may have is that he is a snorer and I'm a very light sleeper. We haven't shared a bed for a long time.
We are intimate - but again hardly seeing each other makes it rare, 60% of the time he will initiate.
 
I'm gonna serious here for a minute. When your husband says your not affectionate enough it is a polite way of saying you aren't intimate enough.

Fucks>Hugs

Sex him up everyday or every other day for a month and report back. My guess is hostility/animosity will have disappeared.
 
Brick said:
I'm gonna serious here for a minute. When your husband says your not affectionate enough it is a polite way of saying you aren't intimate enough.

Fucks>Hugs

Sex him up everyday or every other day for a month and report back. My guess is hostility/animosity will have disappeared.
Click to expand...

He tells me that's not what he wants. Who knows, he is probably saying one thing and meaning another.
 
fatchicslim said:
Fair call..makes sense.

I'm 33. He is 42.
Together for 7 years with a 5, 4 and 2 year old.
We both are full time shift workers - working opposite hours, so when the family is all together we find me and him clash doing the day to day stuff sometimes but it's usually in biggy. Yep, we both do the household chores 50/50 pretty much.
No financial stress. Only other stress we may have is that he is a snorer and I'm a very light sleeper. We haven't shared a bed for a long time.
We are intimate - but again hardly seeing each other makes it rare, 60% of the time he will initiate.
Click to expand...

I am no expert, but it appears to be not too bad, shift work can be a killer, (I do shift work as well), and it's worse if both partners do it.

May be the lack of time seeing each other is not enough for him, may be you are just not compatible, three kids does not help, I have two and they are time killers in a big way.

May be you need to sit down and chat to him about it on a mutual day. Some of my friends have child free 'date nights' with their wife once a months or once a fortnight, where they just spend an afternoon/night together going out or something.

Hope that helps.
 
Big Mick said:
I am no expert, but it appears to be not too bad, shift work can be a killer, (I do shift work as well), and it's worse if both partners do it.

May be the lack of time seeing each other is not enough for him, may be you are just not compatible, three kids does not help, I have two and they are time killers in a big way.

May be you need to sit down and chat to him about it on a mutual day. Some of my friends have child free 'date nights' with their wife once a months or once a fortnight, where they just spend an afternoon/night together going out or something.

Hope that helps.
Click to expand...

It does help - its nice to know we aren't the only time deprived people out there ;)

It seems that every now and then things just get too much for him and he breaks - like he did tonight....
 
Send him a flirty (not slutty as he'll think way too much into it) text before he comes home. Even if its like 'i love you and cant wait to see you tonight'
That type of stuff can kick start some loving which leads to other emotions being shared
 
This ones easy... he just needs to be reminded of what he's got - pure and simple.

One night out with [MENTION=10061]Brick[/MENTION]; and he'll be worried :p
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Sounds like he might feel you two are in a rut, could be trying to kick things back into honeymoon period for a change?
I personally reckon men like to touch and be touched in a relationship, women prefer to talk (too much) lol
 
taurus said:
Send him a flirty (not slutty as he'll think way too much into it) text before he comes home. Even if its like 'i love you and cant wait to see you tonight'
That type of stuff can kick start some loving which leads to other emotions being shared
Click to expand...

While agree, if you hint at something more and dont follow through, it wont help his mood..

Kids and shift work are hell, ( we have 4, and 2 yo) I can see that it wrecks my wife, and kinda understand why she isnt always keen.

BUt intimacey is still needed, like you hubby its not all about the sexin, But if guys get a bit of action every 2-3 days they tend to calm down heaps, time with out increases test, and tempers get shorter, tired and shift workers will exacerbate this..

some times its just nice to sit on the same couch and lean of each other, when the kids allow..!

And also the Date night thing is magic and helps heaps, we just had 2 days away together kid free, first time in 4 years, was amazing doing nothing together.!
 
Thanks for your wise and (in some cases) funny replies guys!! Haha :)

He calmed himself down and finally fessed up that he just wanted a hug?!!??! So we got over that hurdle (again) - went over the same topics which always arise (nor change) and things have chilled.

I even put out tonight despite being awake since 0530hrs lol! We are on opposite shifts for the next few days now ;-)
 
fatchicslim said:
Thanks for your wise and (in some cases) funny replies guys!! Haha :)

He calmed himself down and finally fessed up that he just wanted a hug?!!??! So we got over that hurdle (again) - went over the same topics which always arise (nor change) and things have chilled.

I even put out tonight despite being awake since 0530hrs lol! We are on opposite shifts for the next few days now ;-)
Click to expand...


When you work out the long term solution to this problem, please let me in on it lol. My husband works shifts and I feel like I live in my house alone with my dogs, so when he comes home and wants to do things his way, i get a bit cranky lol. I also have been told regularly I am not very affectionate and usually very bossy lol. We do the whole seperate bed thing due to his snoring, but even after solving that we just both prefer our own beds (erm might have to do with me having 3 dogs in my bed lol)

Anyway, sometimes I think I'm probably gonna get my ass divorced soon enough, but I am finding it really hard to change my ways.......... :confused::)
 
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