Trying too hard to avoid 'bad' dates?

This is an interesting problem to have, and not one i used to have when i was 19/20 and actually getting a phone number was unusual enough to leave me standing shocked and open mouthed

But i've had quite a few dates lately (girls from bars, internet dating, work, salsa etc) and I for some reason go out of my way to avoid awkwardness, unfortunately, even when i decide i'm 'just not into' the girl in question, a great way to avoid awkwardness seems to be kissing them/making out. Last night i ended up a girls place just because i didn't really want to say 'Sorry, i'm not into you!', this seems to have happened to me a lot lately!

The problem is i'm not really making my life any easier, the call/txt after making out/sleeping together to say 'sorry, but i don't think it will work', is not exactly short on awkwardness when they seem to have gotten a completely different message ....

So.. the question is, what do you do when you turn up on a date (particularly the 'blind' internet dating type) and just decide you're not interested, How do you end a date _without_ making out with the girl in question? If you do end up 'unintentionally' sleeping with someone on the first date, is it better just not to call?, or send a 'let down' message?

Just stop being a pussy. Be honest (but not an asshole) that you are not interested in pursuing things further.

You are complicating a horrendously simply issue.

Sounds like you're too nice, but what you're doing is ultimately hurting them more.
I'm in a similar situation to you where I'm going on plenty of 'dates' and sleeping with a different girl most weeks. You're going to have to toughen up...

Here's what I do: After a first date, if it's clear they are into you, but you don't feel the same way, give them a good kiss at the end of the night anyway. Just don't sleep with them. As early as possible then just tell them "I don't feel the connection that I was hoping for, but happy to remain friends". Most get the hint, one became a good fuck buddy for a little while with no strings...

omg NFT!

Agree with moons 10000000000%

How do you 'unintentionally' sleep with someone? lolol

It's easy "You're a very nice person, it was nice meeting you"

Keep the 'goodbye' vague, she knows you're not into her, trust me.

If she pushes the issue and says "So when can we see eachother again"?

Reply with "Well it was nice meeting you tonight, we'll see how it plays out?"

Again, vague - but much better than sleeping with her and then never calling or texting her again. lol

omgawwwd.

Thank god I'm a born again virgin. My heart couldn't handle this shit lol

Dont worry about it, your getting plenty of tail, lap that shit up while it lasts.

D1cko said:

give them a good kiss at the end of the night anyway.

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I suspect my problem comes from starting the kissing too early during the date, so it probably doesn't seem like i'm not interested... My dates always seem to involve making out fairly early.... (It's easy than making conversation - This might also be a bit of self validation, i want to know if they like me!

I'm going to try keeping any kissing to the end of the date

Bella said:

How do you 'unintentionally' sleep with someone? lolol

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I'm a 'go with the flow' kind of person?...
I think as D1cko said... i'm too nice... i find the 'Shall we go somewhere more private... like my place' a bit hard to say no to politely.

Until about 18 months ago i would have said this was a problem i'd love to have, now to be honest, I just want to meet someone i'm actually really into from a more long term perspective by the end of a date for once!

I'm also getting a bit jaded with dating in general after 3 dates this weekend!

Grippy said:

Dont worry about it, your getting plenty of tail, lap that shit up while it lasts.

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Not terribly hard when internet dating and/or copious alcohol is involved... the problem is finding something 'more'!

Believe me...I learnt the hard way, a few months ago, I "unintentionally" sleep with someone, try to let them down gently...then deal with crazy stalker for the next 3 weeks lol

D1cko said:

Believe me...I learnt the hard way, a few months ago, I "unintentionally" sleep with someone, try to let them down gently...then deal with crazy stalker for the next 3 weeks lol

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That has been on a mind a bit...

worst i'd had some far was a girl i just made out with on a first date, text here the next day to say, 'Had a great time.. but i'm sorry....' and she didn't let it go for over a week of txt's and calls!

Nothing life threatening (yet) though...

oh no lol

See, I have the opposite problem. I WANT more. But you don't get 'more' without having to go through the 'dating motions' first.

And I really cbf lol

Just be honest with them...and yourself NFT.

If you just want sex, say so? You'd be surprised that many women will be totally on board with this arrangement lol

If you're really not into them, thank them for the date and get your arse home ALONE lol

Bella said:

If you just want sex, say so? You'd be surprised that many women will be totally on board with this arrangement lol

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That is something i've heard before during one of the tongue lashings i've endured...

It can be a mood killer however to say 'Actually... just to make things clear, i'd love to go to your place.. but honestly, you're not looking as pretty after an hour or so in brighter lights and, no, barrack obama is not the president of australia, so just sex ok?'

Most (not all) girls overthink and overanalyse, so the more ambiguous signs you give them (e.g. making out when you're not into them), the more difficult it'll be for you to let them down easily without causing confusion on their end (and potentially a whole lot of, "but why did you kiss me/sleep with me/say x and y/do a and b" questions).

Rather, make up some lame, almost laughable excuse to end the date early. That way they can go and laugh about it themselves and turn it into one of their "awkward dating" stories, rather than having the night become one that you or she will regret.

Just my two cents as a female species.

Bella said:

oh no lol

See, I have the opposite problem. I WANT more. But you don't get 'more' without having to go through the 'dating motions' first.

And I really cbf lol

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Haha - Bella, I'm the exact same. I just want to fast forward all that "getting to know you" stuff and get on with it already.

NightFallTech said:

That is something i've heard before during one of the tongue lashings i've endured...

It can be a mood killer however to say 'Actually... just to make things clear, i'd love to go to your place.. but honestly, you're not looking as pretty after an hour or so in brighter lights and, no, barrack obama is not the president of australia, so just sex ok?'

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lmfao

How about 'Whilst I am looking for a deeper connection, it's a little difficult for me to ascertain where this is going right now? I like you and it's been great meeting you, as long as you're ok with just seeing where this goes for now?......."

That is backpeddling beautifully

If she's already invited you up to her place, changes are all she will hear is "Blah blah blah blah" anyway. lol She's hunting, you are her prey, succumb if you wish. lol

But always be a man who sets it straight first. So if they DO ever go psycho you can simply say "Hey, I said lets just see where it goes? As it turns out, its not working. It doesn't mean you're a bad person, it just means you're not the 'right' person for me and I'm not the 'right' person for you. Thanks though. Bye bye"

NeverGiveUp said:

Haha - Bella, I'm the exact same. I just want to fast forward all that "getting to know you" stuff and get on with it already.

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Doesn't it take roughly forever to actually get to know somebody properly?

Bella said:

'Whilst I am looking for a deeper connection, it's a little difficult for me to ascertain where this is going right now? I like you and it's been great meeting you, as long as you're ok with just seeing where this goes for now?.......

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Do you often use the word "ascertain" on dates?

NightFallTech said:

Do you often use the word "ascertain" on dates?

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lmao occasionally?

It throws them a little? mwahahaha

They don't listen to me anyway NFT, their too busy watching my lips imagining them wrapped around their cock.

True story.

Bella doesn't date anymore lol

It was much easier to date when I was huge tbh. Now...its like I'm a raw steak being thrown out to ravished lions. And that might 'sound' great in theory, but in practice, it does my head in lol

No one can get to know you when they're working so hard, trying to fuck you.

I don't do casual sex or one night stands.

Foreveralone.jpg

lol

Bella said:

No one can get to know you when they're working so hard, trying to fuck you.

I don't do casual sex or one night stands.

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I think the typical date venues (restaurants, bars...) are part of the problem here, imho casual activities you can do together (dancing classes?, ice skating?) and then go your seperate ways until next time are better, they remove the staring into each others eyes wondering when/if you're going to end up kissing them peice. while still giving you time to chat off and on.

I've reached the point in my life, where even as a guy, I'm starting to think casual sex is pretty over-rated. (they never stay to do the washing and the dishes!

Mwahahaha

Yep, you & I both are going to be forever alone my friend

On the subject of let down calls/txts/skywriting...

"I'm sorry but i'm not interested"
"Please don't ever call me again or i'll call the police"
"My life is really complicated right now and i don't think i'm in a good space..."
"you'll never guess, i was selected for the space program, i'm off to houston tomorrow"
"<silence>"
"I'm going to be busy most of the week, i'll call you next week? ...", "Looks like i'm still busy this week, next month?", "<silence>"
"I've realized i'm just not ready for a relationship yet"
"Hey... I've been thinking a bit and my life is a bit complicated at the moment, i just don't think things will work out between us...."

Least likely to generate stalker responses?