how to stop hating

Long story long..

So there's a girl at my current work.. ( there always seems to be just one wherever I go.. who tends to hate me and treat me like shit for no reason, so i tend to put it down to jealously, because I look at myself first and cant see any reason as to why she would treat me like that.. I treat everyone as my friend when i meet them and have no intention of creating more political bullshit at work with backstabbing etc.)

Anyways, I figure because i tend to get along with most people at work,and people often come upto my desk to have a chat with me even though im only in once or twice a week, bring me a cookie or something..
So I think she is just a jealous bitch.. she speaks like a child, acts like a child, embarrasses me for things i didnt even do wrong, practically making me look reallly bad in front of everyone,then when i point out i was right in the end she doesn't apologise.. so everyone only hears her loudly go on about my "mistakes"

I spoke to my boss about it, and he had a talk with her and she "cried " to him.. probably just acting and he told her to apologise to me which she never did..

anyways i practically hate this bitch.. im 22 and shes 28 but she is the most immature person.
I dont want to hate her because I know its only hurting myself lol, and if its affecting me then shes winning.. and its my loss etc, i dont want to have any negative energy towards anyone..
how can i stop hating someone and holding a grudge?

For a minute I thought you were my missus.

She came home last week and said the same thing about another miserable bitch. She's a top girl and gets along with everyone, but this ****y chops is an absolute prick. Jealousy? Who knows. Some girls are just catty. From the description, I could quite possibly give her a back hander.

She's just real mean, belittling and insincere. I have zero time for people like that. If she says anything to you, stand up for yourself. Diplomacy can sometimes take you places and is always first port of call, but certain people need to be confronted a little more aggressively (ie; their level). "Hey - what's your problem? Have I done something to offend you? No? Why are you being such a mole, then?" She hasn't said squat to the other half since.

i dont know
bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks.

Hmm I am going to respond to some of your points. To be honest it seems a little immature to assume everyone is going to be your friend. This is the big bad world people are gonna hate on you and fuck you up for their own advantage all the time.

Some people may not like your love the world I'm everyones friend attitude, maybe she thinks your a fake. I usually assume overly friendly people are fake or weak non-confrontationists.

The workplace like life is a dog eat dog world, try to make everyone your friend and they will take advantage of you. You need to learn about professional boundries, divorce yourself from your emotions when dealing with colleauges.

What industry are you in? If I was a senior person there and I had two catty girls fighting over petty crap and causing shit in the office I would be trying to get rid of both of you. Shit like that effects productivity and just gives your boss more crap to deal with, on top of all their usual day to day bullshit.

haha its a universal women thing, women always gonna complain about another woman

hmmph.. i did get to the point where the last time she didnt trust me work, and i said no I asked X before I did it and she said it was ok, and so she walks upto X because she doesnt trust what i said, and then X told her it was fine..
so she sits down and just goes quiet, no apology,
so loudly in frnt of everyone I go SO J WAS IT OK IN THE END??? JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE with a sarcastic smile

and she quietly goes yeah.. its fine..

gah lol

im thinking of just leaving that work as its only my casual office job anyway getting me through uni

Brick said:

Hmm I am going to respond to some of your points. To be honest it seems a little immature to assume everyone is going to be your friend. This is the big bad world people are gonna hate on you and fuck you up for their own advantage all the time.

Some people may not like your love the world I'm everyones friend attitude, maybe she thinks your a fake. I usually assume overly friendly people are fake or weak non-confrontationists.

The workplace like life is a dog eat dog world, try to make everyone your friend and they will take advantage of you. You need to learn about professional boundries, divorce yourself from your emotions when dealing with colleauges.

What industry are you in? If I was a senior person there and I had two catty girls fighting over petty crap and causing shit in the office I would be trying to get rid of both of you. Shit like that effects productivity and just gives your boss more crap to deal with, on top of all their usual day to day bullshit.

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fair point. she doesn't have to be my friend obviously, but she is treating me like shit, leaves me out totally, she will go around to everyone in the area asking if they want anything from the cafe but me.. like total bitchy stuff like that.
I spose I just find it hard to understand why someone would hate someone for what seems like no reason, or treat them like that.
Maybe she does see me as fake, but no-one is gonna make friends if ur hostile from the start, I just wanted it to be comfortable working together/ friendly

mocha said:

Maybe she does see me as fake, but no-one is gonna make friends if ur hostile from the start, I just wanted it to be comfortable working together/ friendly

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That's sorta my point at the end of the day my employer keeps me around to do the task at hand not to be friends with all the other staff. The last thing bosses want is friction between staff just do your job and avoid confrontation, not everyone is going to be your friend.

Oh little one!

One thing I have learnt in life, is that the only persons behaviour you have control over, is your own.

The other thing I have learnt, is that women, are the harshest critics of other women & usually it stems from them feeling jealous or threatened by you. Which speaks volumes about their character & nothing to your own

Little mocha, you're a good person, with a HOOOGE heart, conduct yourself with integrity & professionalism. Be kind to people, don't hold grudges, don't gossip & don't hate, because you're right, all of those things harm you, much more than they'll ever harm the other person.

How do you handle someone who is manipulative, vindictive & nasty? There is no more powerful a tool than silence little one. Thats not to say you don't defend yourself or stand up for what you believe in, on the contrary, you must & always should. But don't engage when it's not necessary, don't bitch or gossip & do the best you can always do, in your role.

You've done the right thing by speaking to your boss & you've made him aware of the situation, keep doing so, if instances keep occurring.

Unfortunately, some people have to bitch about & belittle others, to make up for the monumental fuck up's they are as human beings & to camoflauge their own inherrant short comings. Somehow they think it will make them feel better I guess? And sometimes, they succeed, in their own petty ways.

But as long as you've conducted yourself with integrity & never compromised who you are along the way, you've done the right thing.

Hang in there little one!

Bullies push & shove because its the only way they can garner any attention for themselves.

Haters gonna hate & bitches will be bitches babe

You can't change them and you have to always remember, that they...can't ever change who you are either.

xx

Same everywhere mocha.


You seem like a nice girl, my advice to you is to completely discard it. Just continue doing your own thing, do your work, being nice to everyone including her. Treat her no differently to anyone else. Let it be her problem, not yours.

thanks guys, i think i might just leave for the sake of my boss, lol its a shit job anyway, I prefer bar jobs to office bullshit any day of the week

Gosh sorry about all my whinging threads..

if they hate then let em hate and watch the money pile up...

i will solve your problems with rap

Why do you need her to be your friend anyway? Just ignore her as if she doesn't exist. I working in a company with 6000+ peole. It's impossible for me to be friends with everyone. Not even people in my team. Also I only ask people for coffee that I enjoy having a chat with. If she doesn't enjoy spending time with you for "whatever who knows what" reason, then just let her be. I don't get what the big deal is.

oioi said:

Why do you need her to be your friend anyway? Just ignore her as if she doesn't exist. I working in a company with 6000+ peole. It's impossible for me to be friends with everyone. Not even people in my team. Also I only ask people for coffee that I enjoy having a chat with. If she doesn't enjoy spending time with you for "whatever who knows what" reason, then just let her be. I don't get what the big deal is.

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you obviously didnt understand what i meant
i am not angry because she is not my friend, im angry because she is very rude to me, practically bullying me when i have tried to be friendly to her
and in regards to the coffee, she didnt go down to coffee WITH anyone, she was to bring it back up for them as a favour to everyone around even people she doesnt really talk to but me, very excluding

Ok so this has probably been resolved but I feel like responding anyway. She hates you for good reason but it's a reason that you don't know anything about.

One afternoon you both left work at the same time and her boyfriend saw you walking to your car as he was waiting to pick her up. She noticed that he looked back twice before he drove away and then when they got home he bent her over the kitchen bench where he couldn't see her face and gave her a good seeing to on your account. Chicks can read this stuff like a book so he thinks he got away with it and you don't know why she hates you but she hates you for sure.

This may be hypothetical but it may also be closer than you think.... or she's just a bitch.

bull said:

Ok so this has probably been resolved but I feel like responding anyway. She hates you for good reason but it's a reason that you don't know anything about.

One afternoon you both left work at the same time and her boyfriend saw you walking to your car as he was waiting to pick her up. She noticed that he looked back twice before he drove away and then when they got home he bent her over the kitchen bench where he couldn't see her face and gave her a good seeing to on your account. Chicks can read this stuff like a book so he thinks he got away with it and you don't know why she hates you but she hates you for sure.

This may be hypothetical but it may also be closer than you think.... or she's just a bitch.

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bull said:

Ok so this has probably been resolved but I feel like responding anyway. She hates you for good reason but it's a reason that you don't know anything about.

One afternoon you both left work at the same time and her boyfriend saw you walking to your car as he was waiting to pick her up. She noticed that he looked back twice before he drove away and then when they got home he bent her over the kitchen bench where he couldn't see her face and gave her a good seeing to on your account. Chicks can read this stuff like a book so he thinks he got away with it and you don't know why she hates you but she hates you for sure.

This may be hypothetical but it may also be closer than you think.... or she's just a bitch.

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You mean women see these things and understand it??? OH CRAP!!!

You have two good choices, talk to her and don't stop till it is understood/resolved or just ignore her and forget her crap. You could always stoop to her level but that is just stupid, going to your boss was a bad idea too.

it suck working with wankers, but what can you do....

you can do whatever the hell you want, that's what!

fkem

people bring you cookies??

maybe she's just jealous of your cookies...
have you tried offering her one, or taking her one so she can have her own cookie?

some people never grow up.. or find they get their way more often if they continue the kiddy tantrum behaviour that worked with their parents....

bull said:

Ok so this has probably been resolved but I feel like responding anyway. She hates you for good reason but it's a reason that you don't know anything about.

One afternoon you both left work at the same time and her boyfriend saw you walking to your car as he was waiting to pick her up. She noticed that he looked back twice before he drove away and then when they got home he bent her over the kitchen bench where he couldn't see her face and gave her a good seeing to on your account. Chicks can read this stuff like a book so he thinks he got away with it and you don't know why she hates you but she hates you for sure.

This may be hypothetical but it may also be closer than you think.... or she's just a bitch.

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wow. it all makes sense now..
case closed

I'm just astounded that you're a youngun' like me!

Thought you a wee bit older. Just an assumption though, I haven't ever actually seen a picture.

and LOL @ Bull