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Bella
14-03-2012, 04:49 PM
So I had a very interesting discussion with a massage client yesterday and have had long running discussions with friends about this topic for a very long time, I thought I'd pose the question to the forum...

Is it ever ok to cheat?

Have you ever cheated? Would you ever cheat?
Is there any reason that it's justifiable?

In my experience and to my knowledge, people don't generally 'cheat' on their partners with someone more aesthetically pleasing...they cheat to be fulfilled in the way they are left unfulfilled by the relationship they're in?

I could be wrong.

I did have very staunch views on this myself, which have been tested over the years, more times than I'd like to admit.

So I'm curious.

Who has cheated? Who would cheat? And is it ever ok?

What is YOUR moral compass on this issue?

/discuss

DKD
14-03-2012, 04:54 PM
How about you answer those questions first young lady?

KungFooGoo
14-03-2012, 04:56 PM
No, it's not okay to cheat physically/ emotionally (spelling?)

If you wan't to fuck someone else or get emotionally involved with someone else don't be with your partner because it's clearly not working, how hard is that?

That's just KungFooGoo opinion in his relationships because the bottom line is everybody cheats while in a relationship and if you're in one and you've just thought (no they don't) you're getting cheated on.

Rugby88
14-03-2012, 04:57 PM
Yes I have cheated when I was younger.

No its never ok.

Bella
14-03-2012, 05:15 PM
lmao Goo....you'll have many people VERY worried with that response.

Interesting.

DKD, I asked you this last night, because I was curious for a man's perspective.

Goo's right I think, in the sense that if you want to 'cheat' something is not right in the relationship. But should you end it?

What if it's just the sex, that's lacking?
What if it's just the intimacy that you struggle sustaining?
Is that enough, to walk away from years with the person you've been with? And maybe that person, is still someone you love, very much?

It's a curious thing to me.
And I suppose very individual to circumstance etc...

I have had these discussions with friends many times, some have cheated, some have thought about it, some would still like to lol Some are staunch advocates that they would never cheat, but remain miserable in their current relationships...

I even had a male friend say to me not too long ago, that men always cheat, for the sex.
Which I don't believe is entirely true.

My opinion on the matter? I had a 'no married man' rule, for...well forever. I seem to be a magnet for married or attached men.

I met one guy out 2 years ago in a pub, he was handsome, athletic, great smile - he spent two hours chatting me up, asked for my number, which I gave him and then went onto say "Oh I better get going, the wife will kill me if I'm not awake in time to take my boy to soccer practice"

WHAAAAAAA????
lmao

We're still in touch, 2 years later. In fact he comes to me often, for massages and we're JUST friends. I made it very clear that I would never go there with him. But he asks constantly for it to be more. He begs me, on some occasions - which I find amusing more than anything else.

But can still look me in the eye, and say he loves his wife and family, would never leave her, but needs to be sexually fulfilled by someone with as voracious a sexual appetite as his?

His 'ideal', he has said, would be to find a mistress - so he can have both women, whenever he wants, needs or requires them - for different purposes.

I find it fascinating, to be truthful.

And I suppose it's all dependant on our own moral compass's....given experiences and upbringing etc...

Have I ever cheated? No. I've always been an advocate of ending one relationship before commencing another.

Have I thought about cheating? Oh yes. With my daughters father. Absolutely. Until I did a bit of self reflection and realised that it wasn't just 'the lack of sex' that was our issue - alot of things were broken, that I couldn't fix on my own. I came to the realisation fairly quickly, that me having an 'affair' would just add to the bullshit our lives together had already become?

I wasn't going to be that person.

But then again, I have friends who have cheated. Who are not ashamed to say so. Some have even fallen in love, in the process and left previous partners to be with the one they started cheating on them with.

It's an interesting topic....I don't really have any clear or staunch beliefs in this respect anymore.

I think it's a very individual thing that comes down to circumstance and the reasons why?

But I am curious to hear other people's opinions and experiences...

Darkoz
14-03-2012, 05:22 PM
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Bella
14-03-2012, 05:23 PM
lol Darkoz...care to elaborate? :p

CaT_SPeW
14-03-2012, 05:25 PM
ive actually never cheated on a partner, having said that a few previous partners including my wife cheated on their partners at the time with me lol

Bella
14-03-2012, 05:26 PM
lol hyjack

wow...see?

Interesting.

Have you ever been worried that your wife, would now cheat on you?

Timeah
14-03-2012, 05:26 PM
never ok.

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk

DKD
14-03-2012, 05:33 PM
I knew where you were coming from yesterday Bella lol.

I haven't cheated, and I wouldn't. I've had opportunities, and continue to be away from home a lot so could play up relatively easily, if i didn't have the right moral compass.

When you have kids it brings a whole other element to it. It's the most important job you'll have....to shape your kids life, and be there for them. I'll never be the guy who rolls up on a Saturday morning to collect his kids from what used to be his own place and have to face his ex's new man at the door. Fork that shit bro. I promised this to myself years ago.

Think properly before you commit yourself to a relationship, and once you do, don't break it. If things go stale with time, as they do for a lot of people and did for me, then do everything in your power to fix it. That's what we did....we're having a second wind the last 12 months and life couldn't better.

Too many people give up on marriage too easy. If there were no kids involved and one partner was just not providing any sex, then this is one of the few situations where I might be able to understand the person cheating.

Darkoz
14-03-2012, 05:38 PM
lol Darkoz...care to elaborate? :p
Everything's OK in Vegas

Bella
14-03-2012, 05:40 PM
See DKD? I totally wasn't offering you my body sexually when I asked this question last night! lololol

Good post and understood.

Am glad you and the wife have had renewed vigor injected into the relationship spectrum ;)

And yes, I agree. Children bring another dimension to a relationship - and often, sadly, help alleviate the intimacy a couple once shared? lol

In saying that, when a relationship is not working and not right, you don't force yourself to stay for the 'kids sake' either?

I didn't have an affair. But I did leave, eventually. For my own sanity...and his.

I understand what you mean about the visitation thing...awful. Thankfully my ex is 16,000 miles away and I don't have to go through that and neither does he.

It is interesting though. Because whilst sex is not THE most important part of a relationship, when it's lacking or non-existent - everything else starts to crumble down around it. You lose the intimacy, the sense of belonging to another, the desire to continue 'belonging' to someone who's now become your 'mate' rather than your partner, lover or friend...

Most people I have spoken to about this concur - and the one's who have cheated are usually people trapped in sexless relationships or marriages....but I don't believe they cheat solely for sex. It's more than that.

It's the intimacy that they miss. The sense of being adored by another? Of being desired by another? Of being wanted by another?

And this, to some degree, I understand...

walt
14-03-2012, 05:42 PM
ausbb to ausrelationships

callan
14-03-2012, 05:51 PM
lol @ buddy :D

Rugby88
14-03-2012, 05:52 PM
Its only ok if its their mum...

DKD
14-03-2012, 05:54 PM
Children bring another dimension to a relationship - and often, sadly, help alleviate the intimacy a couple once shared?

Yep, kids would be a very big factor in things going stale. You have to make sure you still make an active effort to romance each other.....it's too easy to forget this and then things gradually turn to shit.



In saying that, when a relationship is not working and not right, you don't force yourself to stay for the 'kids sake' either?


This would be one of the toughest choices people would face in their life I imagine. Luckily I can't ever see that happening with me.

DKD
14-03-2012, 05:57 PM
I should add.....even though I'm a fan of perving at the ladies, I see this as just mild cardio.......don't judge me bro. :)

Bella
14-03-2012, 05:57 PM
good for you DKD! And agree...romance....aww I miss romance ;)

mild cardio??? lololol No judgement!

Joel...their Mum?? Wtf! lol

buddy and callan, if you have no interest or nothing valid to contribute, don't read the thread?

Pretty simple I would have thought?

DKD
14-03-2012, 05:59 PM
I should add even further.....to all the ladies on the forum.....if the guy in my avatar seduced you, would you cheat on your man??

Bella
14-03-2012, 06:00 PM
No.


that is all.

lol

IRON TANKS
14-03-2012, 06:43 PM
It is hard for a woman to understand the male psych without a penis, but I am glad Bella is giving it a go.

You've hit the nail on the head a few times. I think it comes down to meeting differing sexual needs in some cases. This doesn't necessarily mean that your partner, if you discussed with her, won't please you in that way because she probably will - rather, once the sexual allure in the early stages of a relationship fades - a nurturing role starts to take place. It moves from almost strictly sexual beginnings, to a more intimate affair - you actually care about the person you're with. I had a mate, who was with a woman for a number of years - he loved her and cared for her, but consistently sought out other women to fill the primal urges (hard to pound someone with anal sex when you've taken on a nurturing role and she's "your woman"). I'm sure this doesn't affect all relationships, but I remember this instance quite clearly and it makes sense.

Also, boredom simply put. Even trying new escapades can become stale. You can really love the person you're with but be tempted by a change of scenery. Society today is more sexually open. In my folks days - they got married in their early 20's and some of them only had the one partner - nothing to compare to! 50 years most of them are still happily together.

I have a mate who has been with well over 50 women. He says, the more I have the harder it becomes to like one. The pickier you get. He likes aspects about all the women he has been with - but having a buffet of them makes it difficult to have "the same 'ol crackers every night".

I dunno, men and women alike are farkked! :D

sookie
14-03-2012, 06:44 PM
What if it were you bucks night?

BobbyDazzler
14-03-2012, 06:48 PM
Nope. Never.

Bella
14-03-2012, 06:50 PM
Lol good post Minchia!

And some interesting points...

Sookie? Is it ok to have sex with someone else on your bucks night? lol


I would think most women would answer that with a resounding NO!

Isn't that meant to be the beginning of your life together? It should be a loving, sexual, sensual time with your wife-to-be??

But again, I guess some may feel it's their last chance to freely have relations with someone else? Before committing?

But then, does it ever really stop? After you're married?

If I found out my hubby-to-be had sex with someone else on his bucks night, there would never be a wedding....

Rugby88
14-03-2012, 06:56 PM
http://i286.photobucket.com/albums/ll109/EVO-PT/normal_105here_for_the_gang_bang.jpg

pistachio
14-03-2012, 08:28 PM
Cheating is never ok. I would never cheat on anyone else and if a girl so much as kissed another guy it would be over.

If the girl was deliberately withholding sex for controlling reasons, that would be the only possible reason I would ever consider it. But then again, I would never be with someone who would use sex as a weapon or tool for controlling someone. If I wasn't sexually compatible with someone, I would find someone else.

The thought of my gf with somoene else makes me physically sick. I could never go back to a girl if she cheated on me.

wingman
14-03-2012, 08:32 PM
Cheating is never okay imo. Never have and never will.

I've began relationships with girls who were already in relationships though, fairly sure that doesn't count as me cheating right?

CaT_SPeW
14-03-2012, 08:39 PM
lol hyjack

wow...see?

Interesting.

Have you ever been worried that your wife, would now cheat on you?


Nah not concerned that happened 10 years ago when she was 19 we have both matured a lot since then, well she has lol

What do people think if sex with hookers? Is it cheating? I know a couple of blokes in relationships (ones married) that occasionally bang a hooker from time to time to get it out of their system and think nothing of it

pistachio
14-03-2012, 08:43 PM
What do people think if sex with hookers? Is it cheating? I know a couple of blokes in relationships (ones married) that occasionally bang a hooker from time to time to get it out of their system and think nothing of it

WTF?? Of course hookers are cheating.

Jesus, wtf is wrong with people these days.

How would you feel if your missus went to a hooker?

DKD
14-03-2012, 08:50 PM
Obviously the woman would be pissed off if u banged a hooker, but she wouldn't be as pissed as if you connected with another women sexually AND emotionally. Then they'd know you truly cheated in every sense.

wingman
14-03-2012, 08:50 PM
How would you feel if your missus went to a hooker?

That could be kinda cool? :p:rolleyes:

pistachio
14-03-2012, 08:53 PM
Obviously the woman would be pissed off if u banged a hooker, but she wouldn't be as pissed as if you connected with another women sexually AND emotionally. Then they'd know you truly cheated in every sense.

I agree, I would have been much happier if my ex had just banged some other guy.

DKD
14-03-2012, 09:06 PM
That sounds shit bud....sorry to hear it.

CaT_SPeW
14-03-2012, 09:31 PM
Obviously the woman would be pissed off if u banged a hooker, but she wouldn't be as pissed as if you connected with another women sexually AND emotionally. Then they'd know you truly cheated in every sense.

Exactly. I'd be much more devastated if I found out my missus was cheating with someone she had feelings for than just paying for half an hour of emotionless sex. You know I could probably forgive her for that but not if she was in an intimate relationship I don't think I could ever forgive her for that

ae86
14-03-2012, 10:00 PM
i have before,

unfortunately was due to the fact i lost interest in the person i was with and i really didnt want to hurt her even though i knew it had to happen sometime,

i cheated because i met someone that got who i am, supported everything i did and i could genuinely be myself around them which soon turned into the first person i fell inlove with, that then ended a year later by a mistake of mine

kaz
14-03-2012, 10:32 PM
I've cheated on a partner before, was pretty bloody exciting!

DKD
14-03-2012, 10:36 PM
Deep's PM inbox about to start getting more action lol.

ae86
14-03-2012, 10:37 PM
what a badass il initiate with the fonzy technique

eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

DKD
14-03-2012, 10:39 PM
Who's cheated on their partner with someone they met on a forum?

Bella
14-03-2012, 10:41 PM
I don't have a partner to cheat on lol But I might, with someone from a forum ;)

How you doin DKD?
:p

Shrek
14-03-2012, 10:42 PM
Is this a confession thread now?

DKD
14-03-2012, 10:43 PM
Lololol

Awwwwww

Honey

How you doing? :D

Bella
14-03-2012, 10:44 PM
yep, apparently.

how many hail mary's should I get ready for you Shrek? lol

Shrek
14-03-2012, 10:45 PM
Plenty

Shrek
14-03-2012, 10:46 PM
And link me to the words..I have forgotten them

Forgive me Father.

Bella
14-03-2012, 10:47 PM
awwww DKD.....

how YOU doin? (Please feel free to bring the wife) no need to exclude anyone from the circle of lovin
;)

lolol

Bella
14-03-2012, 10:50 PM
Forgive me father (cept I'm a girl, but we'll run with what history intended) lol
For I have sinned
I want so badly
To sin again....


Oh hang on...that's my version....

lemme google it

lolol

DKD
14-03-2012, 10:50 PM
Wow, oooooooooh yeeeeeaaah

Lol

walt
14-03-2012, 10:55 PM
well this stayed on topic lol

and this post will get deleted aswell

Relevant
14-03-2012, 10:55 PM
I'm of the strong belief that people are only as faithful as thier options. I've never cheated because I always avoided situations where it was an option and even when a girl showed any interest, my friends would just cut my grass so badly that neither of us would end up having and chance which was fair enough as I think cutting the grass of someone who is in a relationship is a hero move.

Bella
14-03-2012, 10:58 PM
you're right there Relevant!

I have male friends who do this to other male friends ALL the time! lol

But you got to wonder why you're tempted? I guess that was my question?

Are you tempted because the relationship is bad? Your lacking sex? Or....because it's there and available?

Or all three?

pistachio
14-03-2012, 10:59 PM
Relevant, I disagree, but if you are getting a good sex life with your partner, why would you need to sleep with anyone else?

Do you really want to try another girl that badly? Really, there isn't that much difference between one girl and another. And sex with a partner who you been sleeping with for years (and have learnt everything about eachother) is so much better than sex with a random.

I would never cheat, no matter how many options were available and no matter how hot the option was.

I'd always take sex with my partner.

Relevant
14-03-2012, 11:29 PM
Relevant, I disagree, but if you are getting a good sex life with your partner, why would you need to sleep with anyone else?

Do you really want to try another girl that badly? Really, there isn't that much difference between one girl and another. And sex with a partner who you been sleeping with for years (and have learnt everything about eachother) is so much better than sex with a random.

I would never cheat, no matter how many options were available and no matter how hot the option was.

I'd always take sex with my partner.

I agree with what you say but my idea and yours are not mutually exclusive as what you describe here is taking the worse option. Unfortunately though not every relationship is as perfect as you describe and if you were feed rice for ten years then someone comes along and offer you chocolate your probably going to have some even if you wouldn't openly admit it here.

pistachio
14-03-2012, 11:45 PM
I can honestly say I'd still take the sex with my partner.

Maybe my opinions will change in the future, but from my recent experiences, intimate sex with a partner is 100x better than random sex with a stranger.

wingman
14-03-2012, 11:49 PM
intimate sex with a partner is 100x better than random sex with a stranger.

Not talking from experience here, but I'd assume majority of times when people cheat that it's not with a stranger. It's with someone at work or the gym or within existing circle of friends that has flirted a couple of times and urges prevail.

I highly doubt any relationship would be worth a random. Could potentially see why some guys see the allure of the above though.

I don't think it's ever forgivable regardless of who it is with.

KungFooGoo
14-03-2012, 11:50 PM
It's a primal urge though so "cheat" in a way though. Guys are meant to bang as many chicks as they can and chicks are meant to find the biggest / baddest motherfucker and have coudis (spelling) which said gentleman.

Having said that, just don't cheat... How hard is that?

Relevant
14-03-2012, 11:50 PM
you're right there Relevant!

I have male friends who do this to other male friends ALL the time! lol

But you got to wonder why you're tempted? I guess that was my question?

Are you tempted because the relationship is bad? Your lacking sex? Or....because it's there and available?

Or all three?

None of the above as I believe cheating says more about the person than the relationship. I fucking hate when people try and blame the innocent party for thier actions. If your not happy then say so, if the sex is bad then say so, if you couldn't help yourself than just admit it.
The real reasons people cheat are actuality based on more personal issues such as they fell unworthy, they are unfulfilled with thier life in general, depression, etc

Bella
14-03-2012, 11:53 PM
Maybe after many years with the same person, perspective changes?

I don't know.

I see what Relevant is saying though.

And you're right Pete, when you're in love and the relationship is good, nothing beats the total sexual surrender you feel with the person you love.
Nothing.

But when that goes? Or if it's gone...perhaps you hunger for that again?

Not sure...


None of the above as I believe cheating says more about the person than the relationship. I fucking hate when people try and blame the innocent party for thier actions. If your not happy then say so, if the sex is bad then say so, if you couldn't help yourself than just admit it.
The real reasons people cheat are actuality based on more personal issues such as they fell unworthy, they are unfulfilled with thier life in general, depression, etc

I agree!

I think 'cheating' itself, has little to do with 'sex' and more to do with the.....lack of intimacy and closeness you once felt with the person you're with?

I had one male friend, who did cheat, say to me "Jo, she just didn't see me anymore. Never wanted to hug, let alone have sex. It was like a chore she couldn't wait to get over and done with and I had to stick to her schedule. I felt dead, for years."

And my heart hurt for him.
I do agree that perhaps you should end things, before you start something else, out of respect for yourself and your partner.

That being said though, if a girl or guy comes along, that makes you feel alive and desired again. Where every interraction is fun and exciting...I can see why guys like my friend, would take that opportunity and drown in it.

wingman
15-03-2012, 12:06 AM
I think you'd have to be a pretty weak person to be unable to raise issues (any subject) with your partner.

Maybe I've only ever had good relationships, but if something is raised then the other person is aware of it and can decide to fix it, come up with some other compromise or call it quits.

pistachio
15-03-2012, 12:11 AM
I think you'd have to be a pretty weak person to be unable to raise issues (any subject) with your partner.

Maybe I've only ever had good relationships, but if something is raised then the other person is aware of it and can decide to fix it, come up with some other compromise or call it quits.

Agreed.

Bella
15-03-2012, 12:20 AM
yeah but wingman, some partners aren't prepared to address issues, they resent you for raising them and push back hard against any kind of change?

Whilst you're describing the 'ideal' relationship, a world where you're able to talk about and resolve things like two adults who love eachother....it's not always the case, in relationships. Good or bad?

In the 11 years I was with my partner, I must have raised the issue about our sex life, a million and 3 times. And I wasn't a bitch about it. I explained that I need sex more than once a month, or once every 3 months...that it's not ok when I try to initiate, that he says no, every motherfucking night of the week...lol

But ultimately, withholding sex, was his way of controlling our relationship.

Not healthy, for either of us. Especially me! lol

So instead of cheating (and believe me, I was sorely tempted!) I left.

Because the bigger issue wasn't the lack of sex itself....it was allllllllll the other bullshit that had broken the relationship down to the point that I was so emotionally detached, it was insalvagable.

And whilst that sounds awful. And it was....many many people, have relationships where they don't feel free, after a period of years, to express their opinion - or if they do, it's met with resentment and annoyance?

Like my married friend, who says he loves his wife immensely, but has scheduled sex, once a month, if he's lucky?
He said he's raised it with her. He tried romancing her, he's done the cook her dinner bit and planned the romantic nights...but her libido, is just not like his - never was apparently, and obviously never will be.

He said she looked at him last time he spoke to her about it and said "I'm a mother and I'm tired and quite frankly, I'm not a rabbit. I don't want to have sex with you every night of the week. Stop asking me"

Do you think he'll EVER broach that subject again?
Probably not.
Instead, he is sexually fulfilled with other women -and he does this, often and alot.

Is it just about sex for him?
No.
I discussed that with him yesterday.
It's about feeling valued, desired, wanted and appreciated.

Sometimes, in long term relationships, we forget our partner, amongst the 'life' stuff that has to be addressed. But to rectify that, the person has to 'want' to.

And sometimes, I guess it comes down to the fact that they just don't want to?

wingman
15-03-2012, 12:26 AM
Maybe I don't really see that angle because I haven't had any bad relationships. I've only had a few but can honestly say they were all good ones.

But from what you're saying, in the examples you've given, maybe those people shouldn't have gotten together in the first place? Your married friend who has raised his issue (I'm talking about any issue here, not just sex) with his wife has the same 3 options I put in my previous post I believe - and sounds like he's up to option #3.

I still don't believe cheating is ok in this (or any) situation.

Bella
15-03-2012, 12:28 AM
fair enough lol

and yeah, relationships turn bad sometimes - but they rarely start out that way ;)

Relevant
15-03-2012, 12:38 AM
yeah but wingman, some partners aren't prepared to address issues, they resent you for raising them and push back hard against any kind of change?

Whilst you're describing the 'ideal' relationship, a world where you're able to talk about and resolve things like two adults who love eachother....it's not always the case, in relationships. Good or bad?

In the 11 years I was with my partner, I must have raised the issue about our sex life, a million and 3 times. And I wasn't a bitch about it. I explained that I need sex more than once a month, or once every 3 months...that it's not ok when I try to initiate, that he says no, every motherfucking night of the week...lol

But ultimately, withholding sex, was his way of controlling our relationship.

Not healthy, for either of us. Especially me! lol

So instead of cheating (and believe me, I was sorely tempted!) I left.

Because the bigger issue wasn't the lack of sex itself....it was allllllllll the other bullshit that had broken the relationship down to the point that I was so emotionally detached, it was insalvagable.

And whilst that sounds awful. And it was....many many people, have relationships where they don't feel free, after a period of years, to express their opinion - or if they do, it's met with resentment and annoyance?

Like my married friend, who says he loves his wife immensely, but has scheduled sex, once a month, if he's lucky?
He said he's raised it with her. He tried romancing her, he's done the cook her dinner bit and planned the romantic nights...but her libido, is just not like his - never was apparently, and obviously never will be.

He said she looked at him last time he spoke to her about it and said "I'm a mother and I'm tired and quite frankly, I'm not a rabbit. I don't want to have sex with you every night of the week. Stop asking me"

Do you think he'll EVER broach that subject again?
Probably not.
Instead, he is sexually fulfilled with other women -and he does this, often and alot.

Is it just about sex for him?
No.
I discussed that with him yesterday.
It's about feeling valued, desired, wanted and appreciated.

Sometimes, in long term relationships, we forget our partner, amongst the 'life' stuff that has to be addressed. But to rectify that, the person has to 'want' to.

And sometimes, I guess it comes down to the fact that they just don't want to?

If sex is so important to your friend he should have never had married her in the first place, as you clearly state that her libido has never been the same as his.

Bella
15-03-2012, 12:51 AM
yep, I've said that to him too.

I guess in the beginning it's all roses and canoe's, you can't get enough of eachother and by the sounds of it, they married after a very short time.

They've been married for almost 9 years now though and he said it's been a problem from the time they were married - that's when it dropped off I guess.

They now have small children (2) and don't worry, I have counselled him within an inch of his life. lol

but it's not just about the sex...it's all the other stuff that's lacking for him too.

The upside? She's a good mother, a devoted wife, he still finds her insanely attractive and they have built a life together.

I guess as DKD eluded to before, it's much harder to leave, once you have children. It becomes a very difficult decision.

I asked him yesterday, if they had no kids, would he leave the relationship and just move on.

He was quiet for a very long time and finally said "I don't know. I love her. I do. But she IS the mother of my children now and I can't pretend they don't exist, so I can't answer that question"

I wonder though, can you REALLY love someone so immensely, but still cheat on them so often?

I find that....curious.

Because that, to me, is not love.

And I've told him that too.

But this is where I realise that my very staunch views on this topic.....were unfair? Because everybody is different, circumstance and life dictate different things for different people?

Would I ever cheat on someone? No, I don't think I would.

Would I have a relationship with someone who was already married or attached? Well, to date, I never have. But I can't say I never would. Who knows what the future holds?

And I guess that raises a whole other set of questions. My friends and I debate this all the time too...

Are you responsible for the behaviour of the person you're with? So if they're married, are you responsible and should you feel guilty, for being with them, sexually or otherwise?

There is a part of me that thinks, yes. You probably should, if you knowingly go into an intimate relationship with someone else's husband or wife, you are knowingly becoming involved with and distracting someone from their partner and/or family.

But there are MANY of my friends who have said "Nope, it's their issue, not yours. It's up to the person your WITH to bare the brunt of the responsibility"

Which kinda seems like a really selfish way of looking at it, from my perspective.

But what if you fall in love? What if you want them, like no one else you've ever wanted before? What if you can't stop?

WAY too many questions I realise and I don't expect answers - I just find it an incredibly curious topic...

wingman
15-03-2012, 12:59 AM
I starting to think no 2 situations are ever alike, so it's moot to compare them.

DKD
15-03-2012, 06:17 AM
many many people, have relationships where they don't feel free, after a period of years, to express their opinion - or if they do, it's met with resentment and annoyance?

Clearly people in these relationships have a much broader problem than lack of sex. If you don't feel free to express your opinion, then your partner is controlling you to the point where your sense of self-respect has diminished significantly. This frame of mind is obviously the polar opposite of what a loving relationship is supposed to provide: the feeling of being loved, valued, special....that someone out there thinks you rock!


Like my married friend, who says he loves his wife immensely, but has scheduled sex, once a month, if he's lucky?
He said he's raised it with her. He tried romancing her, he's done the cook her dinner bit and planned the romantic nights...but her libido, is just not like his - never was apparently, and obviously never will be.

He said she looked at him last time he spoke to her about it and said "I'm a mother and I'm tired and quite frankly, I'm not a rabbit. I don't want to have sex with you every night of the week. Stop asking me"

Do you think he'll EVER broach that subject again?
Probably not.
Instead, he is sexually fulfilled with other women -and he does this, often and alot.

Is it just about sex for him?
No.
I discussed that with him yesterday.
It's about feeling valued, desired, wanted and appreciated.

Sometimes, in long term relationships, we forget our partner, amongst the 'life' stuff that has to be addressed. But to rectify that, the person has to 'want' to.

And sometimes, I guess it comes down to the fact that they just don't want to?

This is an interesting case here Bella. I find myself wondering if this marriage was to break down completely based on the problems described above, then who's to blame?

He loves her, wants her, has made every effort to woo her again and re-kindle the flame, but she largely rejects it. Negative against her.

He gets his pole waxed elsewhere. Fun yeah, but cheating. Negative against him. Or is it?

Reasoning tells me that, if she never had a high libido from the get go, he would've known that before marrying her and therefore should accept her the way she is and stay true to her. But, you're right, it comes down to much more than sex. If your partner no longer cares about making you feel special, then you just can't stay fulfilled or engaged emotionally.

It all comes down to communication....discussing the problems, being honest with each other and being willing to listen and accommodate each other. If you can't communicate in this manner, then clearly the end is nigh. Very sad.

coaltrain
15-03-2012, 07:07 AM
Being a sex addict running test surely puts this to the test.
No cheating is never ok.

k_21
15-03-2012, 09:03 AM
I didn't read all the posts but here's my
2 cents as these types of threads fascinate me :D.

There is only 1 reason for cheating and is acceptable
in my book.

That is if your partner in someway can't be sexually
active with you - medical reasons (if she was paralyzed
after an accident or something). In that instance
I think cheating would be OK.

I believe (in fact this is pretty much 100% in my mind)
the reason ppl cheat are 2 fold.

1. Us 'humans' are not honest. Most family units don't discuss issues/challenges in an 'open', 'honest' & 'safe' environment.
Hence we make up and live miserable lives denying ourselves
of happiness to 'fit into' a box no one can fit; and which has
been given to us by someone way back in the day.

Our grandparents didn't do it, nor did our parents hence we
now follow the same pattern.

2. Ppl who cheat are 'insecure' within themselves.

Devante.

Bella
15-03-2012, 09:51 AM
Good input gentlemen!

See? I love this thread, it's fascinating!

DKD, you're right, as always ;) so insightful...I love it :)

Coaltrain, I believe you! lol

Devante, this is an interesting post!

Hmmm curiouser & curiouser....

Alpha Moth
15-03-2012, 10:10 AM
was in a LDR with a girl, cheated on her after not seeing her for 6 months or so... felt like dirt after it though.

Have a different girl, she lives around the corner though. Won't cheat on her. And yes it's wrong.

Rugby88
15-03-2012, 10:25 AM
mods deleted some of my comments lol

Rambodian
15-03-2012, 11:04 AM
To me its never OK to cheat

I have a philosophy on this sexual phenomena;

Most people that cheat or see it as acceptable are insatiable, sexually and in every other aspect of their lives (without even knowing it sometimes). They will simply never ever be satisfied with what they have, be it love, sex, stuff, money....or whatever. They tend to always have a justification for their actions, or thoughts on what they think is sexually acceptable.
Some of them find satisfaction in life eventually (very few of these peeps IMO), but from what I see in those around me who do this, most don't, they just live some deluded farcical approach to happiness. Always wondering if the grass is greener on the other side.
Those who have a cheaters mentality are the ones who are usually easily willed over by temptation in all its forms.....to eat the forbidden fruit......is what they desire most, and get the most satisfaction from.

OK, end rant on philosophy, I think I lost myself there LOL, is that even a philosophy? ....or just an opinion.....I don't know WTF I'm on about LOL, frig this I been awake for to many hrs
over and out
G

Bella
15-03-2012, 11:10 AM
That was Graeme Philosophy!! lolol

Good point about being insatiable in most aspects of life, I get what you're saying!

This too...makes sense....

Hmmmmm interesting!

Big Mick
15-03-2012, 11:23 AM
If you are not getting fed at home, I believe you should dine out, or at last get take away to stop the hunger.

If you do get fed at home then you should eat there, and not look elsewhere.

:)

Bella
15-03-2012, 11:40 AM
Lol Big Mick

My friend Pete says the same thing lolol

pistachio
15-03-2012, 02:41 PM
2. Ppl who cheat are 'insecure' within themselves.

*ding ding ding*

We have a winner

Shrek
15-03-2012, 02:49 PM
No we have no winner. That's rubbish and a gross generalization.

Bella
15-03-2012, 02:53 PM
I think we all have different perspectives, based on our own experiences?

A two year relationship, for a younger person. Is a very different landscape to a 10 or 15 year relationship, for others.

The pressures, problems and issues, are incredibly different.

Someone on this forum (I think it may have been Relevant) once said that being and staying in a relationship, is a conscious choice and decision you make every single day.

And that, I can say with absolute certainty - is the truth.

Everything else, I'm unsure about. But I think it's clear, different people, have different reasons for cheating, or wanting to cheat, or being fulfilled in ways elsewhere - or not.

And that, really is the only thing, that's clear :)

k_21
15-03-2012, 03:00 PM
No we have no winner. That's rubbish and a gross generalization.

Please explain....:cool:

McKwl
15-03-2012, 03:00 PM
Someone on this forum (I think it may have been Relevant) once said that being and staying in a relationship, is a conscious choice and decision you make every single day.

And that, I can say with absolute certainty - is the truth.Yep, So true.

And, while it might strike some people as simplistic, maybe, I strongly believe that the right thing to do is to choose one or the other. At any given time in life, that is. In other words, if you're in a relationship, do that thing - or be in the least bit honourable and break up first, if you intend to screw around. Alternatively, if you're screwing around (perfectly valid lifestyle choice, don't get me wrong :)), do that thing, and don't try to insist on relationship stuff being in the mix - it won't work.

It's particularly dishonourable and shitty to betray the confidence of anyone close to you. IMO. Sure, the world keeps turning, life goes on, but I think it does matter. *shrug*

Shrek
15-03-2012, 03:02 PM
Please explain....:cool:
Can't some one just want a fuck. Why does it mean he or she is insecure.

pistachio
15-03-2012, 03:04 PM
Can't some one just want a fuck. Why does it mean he or she is insecure.

Can't they get it from the relationship??

If a girl (in particular) is getting all the mindblowing sex she needs for a relationship, it is insecurity, pure and simple.

Shrek
15-03-2012, 03:06 PM
Ohhhh I want to root another girl because I think she's hot, gee I'm insecure.

Lol what rubbish. Maybe your morals are screwed but it does not make you insecure.

Fuck me.

Bella
15-03-2012, 03:12 PM
I don't agree that it's insecurity.

I think there's more to it, than that.

McKwl - good post! Thanks for your input :)

I agree. And I used to have pretty staunch views in this respect. But watching friends relationships and family relationships....I have realised that life is definitely not black and white - it has varying shades of grey.

We all make choices. Whether it's to be in the relationship we're in. To cheat. To perve. To kiss someone else. To flirt. To not put the toilet seat up or down. To love with your partner or to fight with them. The partner also has choices, to deny their husband/wife, to not care about the lack of intimacy, to not be prepared to change a situation that is obviously not satisfying or fulfilling for their partner?

I think, to imagine, we know anyone's personal situation and judge that, is a bit narrowminded. And I can only say that, because I think I was quite narrowminded in this respect, for many years.

Some people, and there are MANY of them - just believe 'sex is just sex' - the end.

They don't see it as cheating on the emotional investment they have with their partner at all?

Personally, I don't understand it. But I'm not about to judge them for it.

Life is grey matter.

Keeps it moving AND interesting ;)

Rugby88
15-03-2012, 03:14 PM
2. Ppl who cheat are 'insecure' within themselves.





LOL....this doesnt even make sense....

An insecure person will not go out and find another person to fuck...they will stay home, in a corner, being a lil yes bitch to there gf or bf lol

pistachio
15-03-2012, 03:15 PM
Ohhhh I want to root another girl because I think she's hot, gee I'm insecure.

Lol what rubbish. Maybe your morals are screwed but it does not make you insecure.

Fuck me.

Read my post before commenting like that shrek.

I said GIRLS.

Sure, some guys are fuckwits who sleep around, but GENERALLY (yes it is a generalisation, so sue me), girls don't feel the need to sleep with other guys, it is an emotional connection. Except for the very few relationships out there where the girl is a nympho and the guy is a complete dud, then they might say they just want to root another guy.

Fuck me

k_21
15-03-2012, 03:15 PM
Can't some one just want a fuck. Why does it mean he or she is insecure.

Of course they can mate.. but what I'm saying/asking
is to act on that feeling requires the person to break
their own 'self governing rules'.... and many times before
the actual act.

For example if the person is in a relationship and have
committed to being faithful with the other.

To cheat on that person to me fundamentally says
that they are insure within themselves to:

1. Not be honest with the other person and say they
want to have an open relationship. Then accept the
other parties feedback.

2. Needing validation to be with one person and sleep
with others.

3. Having such a 'fragile ego' to think that sleeping around
may answer and/or give them 'happiness' or some other missing
element to their life.

4. Not having the confidence to be single.

Unless this person is a 'Nymph' - which is only a very minor
percentage I would think.

Comments?

Devante.

Rugby88
15-03-2012, 03:21 PM
When it comes down to it ppl cheat coz they dont really like/love the person they are with...even if they cant admit it or see that....

Theres no other reason behind it....

If you dont like something you look for something better....its human nature...

k_21
15-03-2012, 03:25 PM
When it comes down to it ppl cheat coz they dont really like/love the person they are with...even if they cant admit it or see that....

Theres no other reason behind it....

If you dont like something you look for something better....its human nature...

Ding Ding... As I said Honesty. .


Ohhhh I want to root another girl because I think she's hot, gee I'm insecure.

Lol what rubbish. Maybe your morals are screwed but it does not make you insecure.

Fuck me.

OK let's call it validation seeking then Shrek. You agree?

kaz
15-03-2012, 03:45 PM
Fuck me.
This would be cheating.

KungFooGoo
15-03-2012, 03:55 PM
This would be cheating.

.....Oh no, you're not one of those chicks who thinks whacking it while in a relationship is cheating are you?

kaz
15-03-2012, 03:58 PM
.....Oh no, you're not one of those chicks who thinks whacking it while in a relationship is cheating are you?

Nup......Whack away!

Bella
15-03-2012, 03:58 PM
masturbation is only acceptable if it's done for my viewing pleasure?
lol

when you hide in the bathroom, and do it....that's cheating
lololololol

Shrek
15-03-2012, 04:09 PM
Let's face it, when it comes to cheating people will always have differing views on what is and what isn't. I guess it is what you feel is right or wrong within yourself.

However the question in the topic was it is ok to cheat. Well I guess we better define cheating first.

Is it ok to have sex?
Is it ok kiss?
Is it ok to have phone or email relations?
Is it ok to perve?
Is it ok to watch porn?
Is it ok to go out for a meal of coffee?

See my point, at what stage is it cheating?
Some might say watching porn is, some might not.

Rugby88
15-03-2012, 04:11 PM
Id say the general idea of cheating is anything from kissing to sex (and anything in between)

As you said some ppl are diff and have more extreme views on cheating or are alot more laid back with what there partner does...

But id say what I said above is the "general" idea of what ppl consider cheating is....

Shrek
15-03-2012, 04:13 PM
Well I allow my partner to have a coffe with male friends because I am SECURE that she will behave. :)

Rugby88
15-03-2012, 04:26 PM
Heres another Q (dunno if its been covered or not yet) - if you found out your partner was cheating and they wanted to stop and be with you...would u go back to them?

Whats happens if they had just kissed someone in a drunken night out....

Bella
15-03-2012, 04:29 PM
I think we can all agree that sexual intercourse, definitely consitutes cheating?

But Shrek is right. When I speak about this with my friends and family. Some feel kissing is cheating, some feel that a drunken kiss is ok?
Some think outrageous flirting is a form of cheating - others feel it's harmless fun?
Some think constant perving is seriously disrespectful - others feel it's healthy and acceptable.
Some would find an email or online friendship/flirtation a form of cheating, others would think it's just stupid fun?

It's because WE are all different, that we have different perspectives on these things.

I have a whole host of friends, of mixed gender who would consider a drunken one night stand with a random person - a mere slip up. Who define cheating as some kind of emotional investment, therefore the physical act itself, shouldn't matter - if that's all it was?

My very best friend and we've been friends for 25 years now - had sex with an ex-boyfriend the night before she got married. I remember watching her take her vows on her wedding day and feeling SO angry with her.

Her explanation was to laugh and say "Jo, it's only sex. No big deal. It wasn't like I loved him or anything"

So I had to learn, to not judge, to not feel mad and to not impose my beliefs on others. Everybody has a different perspective.

My best friend has been married for over 15 years now. They are very happy, with two beautiful children. Although her hubby, who is a sensational human being complains constantly about not getting enough sex. lolol Which I find ironic, all these years later....

It's beyond interesting.

Shades of grey indeed.

Christian
15-03-2012, 04:32 PM
Cheating your not happy you owe it to yourself and the other person to leave and find something you want and they deserve.

Bella
15-03-2012, 04:34 PM
you're a wise man Christian :)

Rugby88
15-03-2012, 04:35 PM
I think we can all agree that sexual intercourse, definitely consitutes cheating?

But Shrek is right. When I speak about this with my friends and family. Some feel kissing is cheating, some feel that a drunken kiss is ok?
Some think outrageous flirting is a form of cheating - others feel it's harmless fun?
Some think constant perving is seriously disrespectful - others feel it's healthy and acceptable.
Some would find an email or online friendship/flirtation a form of cheating, others would think it's just stupid fun?

It's because WE are all different, that we have different perspectives on these things.

I have a whole host of friends, of mixed gender who would consider a drunken one night stand with a random person - a mere slip up. Who define cheating as some kind of emotional investment, therefore the physical act itself, shouldn't matter - if that's all it was?

My very best friend and we've been friends for 25 years now - had sex with an ex-boyfriend the night before she got married. I remember watching her take her vows on her wedding day and feeling SO angry with her.

Her explanation was to laugh and say "Jo, it's only sex. No big deal. It wasn't like I loved him or anything"

So I had to learn, to not judge, to not feel mad and to not impose my beliefs on others. Everybody has a different perspective.

My best friend has been married for over 15 years now. They are very happy, with two beautiful children. Although her hubby, who is a sensational human being complains constantly about not getting enough sex. lolol Which I find ironic, all these years later....

It's beyond interesting.

Shades of grey indeed.

Does the husband now she did this? If not then she should tell him coz hey "its just sex" stupid girl...

Bella
15-03-2012, 04:48 PM
No.

We fought endlessly for about 6 months after she got married. He was a good man, in fact, one of the greatest men I have ever known. I insisted she tell him, or I threatened that I would.

The night she went to, she asked me to be there for support - just as she was about to say it, I stopped her and ushered her out of the room.

He was and is so in love with her. Madly, deeply, passionately in love with her. And I realised in that moment, that her confession would have hurt him so deeply, more deeply than was neccessary. And once the words are uttered, there is no taking them back. Not ever. He's too good a man, to feel that kind of unneccessary hell.

Especially when I knew how much she loved him and how she genuinely believed it was 'just sex' and nothing more.

So 15 years later....they're still together and still happy and have 2 beautiful children...and I think maybe keeping quiet and saving him the pain of knowing, was the most generous thing that could have ever been done for him.

She's been a faithful, devoted, loving wife and he's been a brilliant husband and father.

I often find myself in their home, snuggled at both of their feet, laughing or discussing the issues of the world.

They are both the loves of my life.
And eachothers.
And they created my godchildren :)

I don't believe it was meant to be, any other way.

Rugby88
15-03-2012, 04:51 PM
No.

We fought endlessly for about 6 months after she got married. He was a good man, in fact, one of the greatest men I have ever known. I insisted she tell him, or I threatened that I would.

The night she went to, she asked me to be there for support - just as she was about to say it, I stopped her and ushered her out of the room.

He was and is so in love with her. Madly, deeply, passionately in love with her. And I realised in that moment, that her confession would have hurt him so deeply, more deeply than was neccessary. And once the words are uttered, there is no taking them back. Not ever. He's too good a man, to feel that kind of unneccessary hell.

Especially when I knew how much she loved him and how she genuinely believed it was 'just sex' and nothing more.

So 15 years later....they're still together and still happy and have 2 beautiful children...and I think maybe keeping quiet and saving him the pain of knowing, was the most generous thing that could have ever been done for him.

She's been a faithful, devoted, loving wife and he's been a brilliant husband and father.

I often find myself in their home, snuggled at both of their feet, laughing or discussing the issues of the world.

They are both the loves of my life.
And eachothers.
And they created my godchildren :)

I don't believe it was meant to be, any other way.

She married Chuck Norris?


But really I find that very sad.....and I honestly hope he never finds out NOW coz it would prob kill him...

pistachio
15-03-2012, 04:51 PM
That is absolutely brutal. If my wife did that to me, fuck... I don't know what I would do.

How do ppl justify these kinds of actions??? It really makes me sick

pistachio
15-03-2012, 04:52 PM
But really I find that very sad.....and I honestly hope he never finds out NOW coz it would prob kill him...

Couldn't agree more. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

And I'd rather be ignorant of the fact that the person I marry would do something like that. Would completely change how I view the person.

KungFooGoo
15-03-2012, 04:58 PM
Yeah if you are going to cheat and it was only once.. Don't tell the person just so you dont feel guilty anymore, fuck you, it was your choice to do it so live with it. No point fucking up your partner just so you dont feel so bad.

k_21
15-03-2012, 05:03 PM
Yeah if you are going to cheat and it was only once.. Don't tell the person just so you dont feel guilty anymore, fuck you, it was your choice to do it so live with it. No point fucking up your partner just so you dont feel so bad.


I'd personally rather the confess and know.

As Flea said >> "how would you feel if it was you?"

Devante Says >> "After answering the above question honestly live your life"!!!

Bella
15-03-2012, 05:04 PM
He is seriously, the greatest man I have ever known.

I gave birth to Sophie, in Canada in the middle of the worst snow storm the country had had, in 32 years. He flew on a red eye flight, from his business commitments in London to JFK in New York, hired a landcruiser and drove for two hours in the worst conditions, just so I had someone with me. And he was the first person, to hold my daughter - she was 12 minutes old :)

He is an amazingly generous, compassionate and hilarious human being.

Saving him from that heartache, was right.

He often says he is the luckiest man on earth, because he has two wives lol My friend and I.

And when he isn't getting sex enough, he calls me, I go over, I talk with my girlfriend and he admits that their sex life is on fire again, for another few months.

lololol

I love them both. Tremendously.
Was it a shit thing for her to do? Yes. Absolutely. She was young and stupid and made a mistake.

But they have 15 years under their belts of a very happy life together.

I am in no position to judge and it's not something we ever speak about anymore.

They're happy. He's fantastic and she, is most definitely, the luckiest woman on earth.

RyanF
18-03-2012, 02:48 PM
No, cheating is never okay.

No mortal relationship will give you 100% of what you need 100% of the time. If you're very, very lucky, you might end up with someone who gives you 80% of what you need. The people who stay loyal to their spouses understand that nothing is completely perfect, but they honour the person they're with and honour the commitments they have made to that person. The people who cheat, however, treat themselves as entitled to the other 20%. They won't give up 80% for 20%, but they also won't give up 100% for 80% if they can get the other 20% elsewhere.

I don't buy the whole "I cheat on my husband/wife and have lots of/longterm extra-marrital affairs, but I love my husband/wife," claim. The very fact that you are disrespecting and dishonouring your husband/wife with something that is harmful to the relationship, potentially harmful to their health, dishonest, self-centred, and would destroy them emotionally if they knew, says that you are doing everything but loving him/her while cheating.

The end.

CaT_SPeW
18-03-2012, 03:18 PM
No, cheating is never okay.

No mortal relationship will give you 100% of what you need 100% of the time. If you're very, very lucky, you might end up with someone who gives you 80% of what you need. The people who stay loyal to their spouses understand that nothing is completely perfect, but they honour the person they're with and honour the commitments they have made to that person. The people who cheat, however, treat themselves as entitled to the other 20%. They won't give up 80% for 20%, but they also won't give up 100% for 80% if they can get the other 20% elsewhere.

I don't buy the whole "I cheat on my husband/wife and have lots of/longterm extra-marrital affairs, but I love my husband/wife," claim. The very fact that you are disrespecting and dishonouring your husband/wife with something that is harmful to the relationship, potentially harmful to their health, dishonest, self-centred, and would destroy them emotionally if they knew, says that you are doing everything but loving him/her while cheating.

The end.

good post

Oznut
03-04-2012, 07:05 AM
To continue beating a dead horse.......

Is cheating just about sex or can you cheat emotionally?

DKD
03-04-2012, 07:44 AM
Are you saying you've developed feelings for me Ozzie?

If you are....


then...


well


umm


I feel the same bout you


What are we gonna do about this?


Oh life.....what a mess.

PowerBuilder
03-04-2012, 07:52 AM
My fiancée was married when we started ou relationship. The then marriage was in a terrible shape.

I follow a theme of moral relativity. Like abortion, euthanasia and watching reruns of 'I love Lucy', its a matter of the situation. Every situation is unique.

Rambodian
03-04-2012, 07:59 AM
My fiancée was married when we started ou relationship. The then marriage was in a terrible shape.

I follow a theme of moral relativity. Like abortion, euthanasia and watching reruns of 'I love Lucy', its a matter of the situation. Every situation is unique.


'Moral relativity' I like that.

Bella
03-04-2012, 08:06 AM
me too Graeme! ;)

lolol

Yes oznut, you definitely can!


G! Welcome baaaaaackkkkkkk! lol

PowerBuilder
03-04-2012, 08:06 AM
'Moral relativity' I like that.

Is abortion always 'right' or always 'wrong' ?
Is euthanasia always 'right' or always 'wrong' ?
Is saying lies always 'right' or always 'wrong' ?

Oznut
03-04-2012, 08:26 AM
You can have a deep, meaningful relationship with someone other than your partner that could be a lot more harmful than sleeping with someone else.

And DKD, so long as my wife doesn't find out (oh shit, that's what this tread was about )

Bella
03-04-2012, 08:35 AM
I agree!

As Pete, our philosophical thinker illustrated previously in another thread...

There's more than one way to ride a donkey, get strong, lose weight, have sex, fall in love....& have an affair or cheat.

Absolutely true.

KungFooGoo
03-04-2012, 10:16 AM
Is abortion always 'right' or always 'wrong' ?
Is euthanasia always 'right' or always 'wrong' ?
Is saying lies always 'right' or always 'wrong' ?
Saying lies in KungFooGoo's opinion "is" always wrong. You only lie when you're a coward and afraid of the consequences of telling the truth... Also...


People who think it's permissible to tell white lies eventually become colour blind.

KungFooGoo
03-04-2012, 10:16 AM
I agree!

As Pete, our philosophical thinker illustrated previously in another thread...

There's more than one way to ride a donkey, get strong, lose weight, have sex, fall in love....& have an affair or cheat.

Absolutely true.

Did your "whore"<--- (You can remove that word depending on your answer) friend end up banging that random guy while said husband was away on FIFO??

Rugby88
03-04-2012, 10:34 AM
If my gf was talking to another dude regularly and is flirty, chatty, askin what hes doin etc etc, meeting up...but not doing anything then she would still be gone...done, dusted....

You need to have a line...and you need to let your partner know what that line is...and if they are not happy with it then they are not the person for you....its about respect...and not many ppl have it these days...

Bella
03-04-2012, 10:54 AM
Did your "whore"<--- (You can remove that word depending on your answer) friend end up banging that random guy while said husband was away on FIFO??

which one? Ohhh the one I didn't go dancing with on Saturday? Hmmm I believe she caught up with rock star man, whether they slept together or not, I don't know. I was busy when she tried calling on Sunday....

*sighs*

i dunno.

I guess you can have a line & standards, but its up to both people in that relationship to agree to those? To make it work?

There are also countless ways to have a successful relationship...& that lolols different for everyone.

Will find out from Kat tonight what happened on Saturday & let you know Goo lol

KungFooGoo
03-04-2012, 11:00 AM
Will find out from Kat tonight what happened on Saturday & let you know Goo lol

Much appreciated. If she says she did sit on that guys face can you shake your head and say "what a crappy human amongst me" and walk off.... (optional spit at feet as well).

Regards, KungFooGoo.

Bella
03-04-2012, 11:04 AM
lol

No. But I will smile when I recall this advice, I promise ;)

PowerBuilder
03-04-2012, 11:07 AM
Saying lies in KungFooGoo's opinion "is" always wrong. You only lie when you're a coward and afraid of the consequences of telling the truth... Also...


People who think it's permissible to tell white lies eventually become colour blind.


What about if someone were to come to your house and ask where your daughter is, so that he can kill her? Would you say the truth? Taking this bloke on may not be so wise since....if he's willing to kill one person to achieve one objective, why not two?

What about talking to young kids about Santa?

What about organizing a surprise birthday party for your dear old mum?

Bella
03-04-2012, 11:08 AM
Shades of grey indeed :)

KungFooGoo
03-04-2012, 11:15 AM
No we're just being petty. Since we are KungFooGoo shall give a childish answer.

You tell the gentleman who is going to kill your daughter (who KungFooGoo never wanted in the first place) and when said gentleman goes to fuck her shit up you call the police and tell them to meet the gentleman where your daughter is.

Santa's not real and you shouldn't lie about it. Kids will think you're lying about other things. Just because they're kids doesn't mean you should sugar coat everything. Life sucks wall to wall, let them know that. There's no mythical creature living in the North pole.. If they believe shit like that they'll turn in a Christian. Not on KungFooGoo's watch

If you weren't mentally challenged it shouldn't be hard keeping it from your dearest mother. if she does ask however, you tell her. Then if she's disappointed that'll teach her for snooping around and asking dumb questions.

PowerBuilder
03-04-2012, 11:21 AM
[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]No we're just being petty.

PB doesn't mean to petty and is sad if that's how some of my posts are coming across.

Consequentialism, (http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/consequentialism/) as its name suggests, is the view that normative properties depend only on consequences.

RyanF
03-04-2012, 11:23 AM
Saying lies in KungFooGoo's opinion "is" always wrong. You only lie when you're a coward and afraid of the consequences of telling the truth... Also...


People who think it's permissible to tell white lies eventually become colour blind.
This is quote-worthy.

KungFooGoo
03-04-2012, 12:31 PM
PB doesn't mean to petty and is sad if that's how some of my posts are coming across.

Consequentialism, (http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/consequentialism/) as its name suggests, is the view that normative properties depend only on consequences.

All is forgiven. PowerBuilder was just trying to get a point across.


This is quote-worthy.

KungFooGoo agrees, one of his favourites.

PowerBuilder
03-04-2012, 01:05 PM
All is forgiven. PowerBuilder was just trying to get a point across.


Your message was recieved.

Bella
23-04-2012, 01:34 PM
bump

I need some perspective please folks.

I have a male friend, who has confided in me that he has met someone he really likes 'online'. My other friends and I initially thought it was pretty cute (if not a slightly alien concept to me) but that's beside the point, it seems to be the place to meet people these days lol

So he's very single.
However he informed me, last night, that she, is married.
He lives in Brisbane, she lives in Melbourne.
I don't know which site they met on, but he confirmed it was not a 'dating' site. I guess they share a mutual interest? I don't know.

The problem now is, he is coming to me wanting advice, because he feels for this woman and wants to go and see her and meet her and is adamant he cares about her.

I am incredulous.

And by his account, she feels something for him too.

When I questioned him about it, he's adamant that they haven't done anything 'wrong'.........yet.

But if they're emailing and messaging constantly and I believe they've had the odd phone call too...and telling one another they care for eachother and have the desire to meet....is this an emotional affair already?

I have a hard time with this, because I'm not built this way and have no idea how you can develop these kind of feelings for someone through a computer screen. But he's absolutely consumed by her.

This has been going on for about 3 months now I believe, maybe 4. He's stated his desire to see her and she has stated her desire to have him come and see her.

Now he's asking ME, what he should do? In MY mind, it's already cheating, they're having a psuedo love affair via communication? Aren't they?

His argument is, in reality, they haven't met yet...so IS it actually cheating?

I honestly don't know.

He doesn't seem too fussed about the cheating part, because he has stated that if she were truly happy in her marriage, she wouldn't be sharing in this with him in the first instance, or wanting to see him too.

I know nothing of her story. Although he's been quite vague about her, thus far.

Is this just....harmless fun, UNTIL they meet? IF that ever happens?

Or is it an affair, of sorts, as it is, right now?

Would be keen to hear your opinions.

Goosey
23-04-2012, 01:39 PM
You can only give advice based on your own experience.

He needs to talk to people, he needs to be himself.

Bella
23-04-2012, 01:44 PM
You can only give advice based on your own experience.

He needs to talk to people, he needs to be himself.

Agree Andy. But he's come to me? I have no idea. I've told him, I have put myself mentally, in the same situation to try and give him an honest answer.

If my husband were doing this with someone online would it be ok?....my answer is absolutely no!

And that's all I can base my advice on?

He doesn't seem to want to hear that however lol

Darkoz
23-04-2012, 01:53 PM
I don't see why this is even up for debate.
Yes, he's single however, she is married end of story, your friend should realise and accept that, forget about her and look eleswhere.

Bella
23-04-2012, 01:59 PM
I don't see why this is even up for debate.
Yes, he's single however, she is married end of story, your friend should realise and accept that, forget about her and look eleswhere.

Agree darkman!

But he has feelings he cannot ignore for this woman apparently.

How this happens via a computer screen, I have no idea. :confused:

But I guess it does, based on how many people form relationships via the internet these days?

I mean I can like people, sure. But to fall in love? Hmmmmmm no.

But that's me. And clearly I'm not him. lol

k_21
23-04-2012, 03:02 PM
The answers are obvious to me.

Here it is:

Tell ya male friend to spend the air-fair and go to the
'brothel' and get his rocks off - ROI is far better!

Then ask him to contact this gal and tell her to 'Grow the F up'
and sort out her business with her husband.

Simple really.

Devante.
P.S. I doubt he will take this action though.

Bella
23-04-2012, 03:08 PM
The answers are obvious to me.

Here it is:

Tell ya male friend to spend the air-fair and go to the
'brothel' and get his rocks off - ROI is far better!

Then ask him to contact this gal and tell her to 'Grow the F up'
and sort out her business with her husband.

Simple really.

Devante.
P.S. I doubt he will take this action though.

So eloquent Devante lol

No, I doubt he will either.

Thanks chaps.

Rambodian
23-04-2012, 03:11 PM
I don't see why this is even up for debate.
Yes, he's single however, she is married end of story, your friend should realise and accept that, forget about her and look eleswhere.

Wise words Darkoz.

Bella, you need to tell your friend to back off, she is a married woman and is obviously in a marriage that is having trouble (whether her husband knows/is responsible for or not). Your friend is taking advantage of this situation for his own personal needs, this is wrong and may lead this woman to do something regrettable to her marriage. It may well be the deciding factor that breaks the marriage down? who knows, is that good or bad? it doesn't matter. It is not for your friend to decide, if he is a man he will tell her to get divorced before anything can be taken further, a clean slate must be made before any more physical or emotional contact can be made.

For your friends sake, ask him if he wants someone who is committed to him, or unsure of what they want. Is there children involved.........I would simply say to him that to become a home wrecker is to be a low life.

Bella
23-04-2012, 03:13 PM
Wise words Darkoz.

Bella, you need to tell your friend to back off, she is a married woman and is obviously in a marriage that is having trouble (whether her husband knows/is responsible for or not). Your friend is taking advantage of this situation for his own personal needs, this is wrong and may lead this woman to do something regrettable to her marriage. It may well be the deciding factor that breaks the marriage down? who knows, is that good or bad? it doesn't matter. It is not for your friend to decide, if he is a man he will tell her to get divorced before anything can be taken further, a clean slate must be made before any more physical or emotional contact can be made.

For your friends sake, ask him if he wants someone who is committed to him, or unsure of what they want. Is there children involved.........I would simply say to him that to become a home wrecker is to be a low life.

hmm good post Graeme.
All of that first paragraph, is excellent.
I don't know if she has children or not. I did ask, but he's been very vague about it all at this point.

Thanks for your input. I need to scribe this one to memory so I can replicate it when I talk to him tonight lol

canned tuna
23-04-2012, 07:21 PM
Cheating means betraying a commitment you have with your partner, right.. so if you're with a committed lady but you are single, you're not cheating, right?

bigD
23-04-2012, 07:30 PM
Cheating means betraying a commitment you have with your partner, right.. so if you're with a committed lady but you are single, you're not cheating, right?

You're an accomplice

Bella
23-04-2012, 07:32 PM
Cheating means betraying a commitment you have with your partner, right.. so if you're with a committed lady but you are single, you're not cheating, right?

This is precisely what he says to me lol

No he's not cheating on anyone. I guess the question, for him, is a moral one then isn't it?

The decision to cheat, is her's and her's alone and I quite agree with him, that the onus is not on him.

I guess he has 3 choices,

a) like Graeme said, to demand that she's free and available before he continues with anything.
b) go with what he wants, see her and.....well do whatever they're going to do

or c) call it quits entirely

I spoke to him this evening, he definitely won't consider the ultimatum, because they haven't even met yet, he doesn't feel it's appropriate.
He's not going anywhere, nor is he going to forget about her.
So I guess, in summary, he will continue with his plans, to see her and meet her...and see what happens.

I suppose, in any case, the decision of how to move forward, will be up to her, after she's met him in the flesh?

Such an odd thing...

thanks gents ;)

canned tuna
23-04-2012, 07:40 PM
As good as it is so far, I'm starting to think I should find an ultimatum before one finds me!

Bella
23-04-2012, 07:43 PM
As good as it is so far, I'm starting to think I should find an ultimatum before one finds me!

lol

farrrk sounds ominous Tuna??? Shall we go to your thread for this one? :eek:

:D

canned tuna
23-04-2012, 07:43 PM
I'll get the champagne

Bella
23-04-2012, 07:46 PM
I'll get the champagne

Ohhhhhhhhhhh I do love a good, 'sit down and pour yourself a drink' kinda story :D

canned tuna
23-04-2012, 07:49 PM
After you madame

Bella
23-04-2012, 07:53 PM
After you madame

me?????????? lolol Tuna, I could join a nunnery my friend (and yes I REALLY need to do something about this!) lol

I'm WAY more interested in your story ;)

RyanF
23-04-2012, 10:46 PM
I think it's an emotional affair.

Bella
23-04-2012, 10:52 PM
I think it's an emotional affair.

me too Ry ;)

JazDSpaz
23-04-2012, 10:55 PM
Cheating is never ok, period.

kaz
24-04-2012, 12:37 AM
Cheating is never ok, period.

This.
I think I already replied to this thread.....:confused:

ae86
24-04-2012, 12:28 PM
do you guys count it as cheating if theres someone in your life that wants to be with you and you down want to be strung down yet ?

D-Man
24-04-2012, 12:36 PM
This is precisely what he says to me lol

No he's not cheating on anyone. I guess the question, for him, is a moral one then isn't it?

The decision to cheat, is her's and her's alone and I quite agree with him, that the onus is not on him.

I guess he has 3 choices,

a) like Graeme said, to demand that she's free and available before he continues with anything.
b) go with what he wants, see her and.....well do whatever they're going to do

or c) call it quits entirely

I spoke to him this evening, he definitely won't consider the ultimatum, because they haven't even met yet, he doesn't feel it's appropriate.
He's not going anywhere, nor is he going to forget about her.
So I guess, in summary, he will continue with his plans, to see her and meet her...and see what happens.

I suppose, in any case, the decision of how to move forward, will be up to her, after she's met him in the flesh?

Such an odd thing...

thanks gents ;)

How does he know this chick iis legit? He may fly down there looking for a good time only to wake up in a dark alley minus a kidney (and maybe a testicle - can these be transplanted yet?)

sounds dodgy - if its too easy/too good to be true, it usually is.

Bella
24-04-2012, 12:54 PM
How does he know this chick iis legit? He may fly down there looking for a good time only to wake up in a dark alley minus a kidney (and maybe a testicle - can these be transplanted yet?)

sounds dodgy - if its too easy/too good to be true, it usually is.

Lmaoooooooo

Omigod this made me laugh.

Well I know they've spoken on the phone. I'm assuming they know what the other looks like? lolol

Ahh god this cracked me up.

Are testicles able to be transplanted? lolol

Bella
24-04-2012, 12:59 PM
do you guys count it as cheating if theres someone in your life that wants to be with you and you down want to be strung down yet ?

ae? Are you dating? If you aint 'together' it aint cheating!

And if there's a question mark over 'what' you are for eachother - you aint together!

lol

ae86
24-04-2012, 01:18 PM
she wanted the label as me being her 'boyfriend' but ive only known her for a few weeks so far so im def not jumping into anything! plus she needs to know boundaries of me putting my car and my training as a higher priority before committing to me

Bella
24-04-2012, 01:22 PM
she wanted the label as me being her 'boyfriend' but ive only known her for a few weeks so far so im def not jumping into anything! plus she needs to know boundaries of me putting my car and my training as a higher priority before committing to me

Ohhhhh well, you definitely need to let her know where she stands & what your thoughts are.

Have a chat ;)

Nothing too full on. But know in your head what you want from this before you open your mouth lol

ae86
24-04-2012, 01:24 PM
oh man shes 6 years older than me and when i speak how i feel she rants like a 12 year old, its pretty weird i dont know how i will approach it.

Bella
24-04-2012, 01:56 PM
oh man shes 6 years older than me and when i speak how i feel she rants like a 12 year old, its pretty weird i dont know how i will approach it.

:eek:

run! NOW!

lol

canned tuna
24-04-2012, 02:08 PM
Do you have a commitment to her? Then not really.. She'd still feel let down, but is that really your problem if you're not together

moons
24-04-2012, 05:13 PM
Cheating means betraying a commitment you have with your partner, right.. so if you're with a committed lady but you are single, you're not cheating, right?

You aren't cheating on anyone, but as with all things, apply the asshole test.

Does sleeping with someone, whom you know is in a committed relationship, make you an asshole?

I would say yes, which means find someone else to play with.

Bella
24-04-2012, 05:17 PM
See...I apply the arsehole test to all potential suitors....

This is why I'm a nun. lol

disappoint/
:(

ae86
24-04-2012, 05:55 PM
lol, guess i didnt have to run bella she kinda made the decision for me a few hours ago, time to get ready for night big night out yeahhhhhhhhh buddy

Bella
24-04-2012, 06:01 PM
lol, guess i didnt have to run bella she kinda made the decision for me a few hours ago, time to get ready for night big night out yeahhhhhhhhh buddy


Awww well I gotta say, if you can't even have a civil conversation at the beginning of your love fest - it aint ever going to end well honey! :eek:

Because let me tell you, when the lust ebbs away and life throws up some corkers for you....all you have left to cling to, is eachother....and if you can't have a conversation, talk it out, find comfort in one another....you got nothin.

That was wise old Bella speaking....now please go forth..........and have a good time :D

Report back, because I live vicariously through your wanton ways! lol

JazDSpaz
24-04-2012, 06:44 PM
See...I apply the arsehole test to all potential suitors....

This is why I'm a nun. lol

disappoint/
:(

Nun with a child eh? Lol

Bella
24-04-2012, 06:47 PM
Nun with a child eh? Lol

I am a born again Nun :eek:

lol

Darkoz
24-04-2012, 07:45 PM
Immaculate conception
It's been done before :D

peanutz
13-05-2012, 02:17 AM
not ok to cheat. cheated on boyfriends as a slapper of a teenager, never in a serious relationship.

that said, i flirt like a whore, thoroughly enjoy objectifying the shit out of hot dudes and lurk porn every now and again.

Fadi
13-05-2012, 02:25 AM
Cheating. Is it Ever Ok?If and when it becomes Ok; it won't be cheating... or at least it won't be called cheating.

PowerBuilder
13-05-2012, 10:53 AM
that said, i flirt like a whore, thoroughly enjoy objectifying the shit out of hot dudes and lurk porn every now and again.


Why do people flirt like crazy for 'sport'...?

peanutz
13-05-2012, 11:13 AM
Why do people flirt like crazy for 'sport'...?

don't get me wrong - I'm super up front that I'm married - hell, my nickname s wife! I just like the power / ego trip from it. I have mental problems? haha

Grippy
13-05-2012, 11:18 AM
I think women just love the attention and to know that they can have most blokes they meet.

Relevant
13-05-2012, 12:19 PM
Ok back to Bella's question

If this was a mate of mine I'd say wake up to yourself there are plenty of unmarried women out there. Chasing a married woman who lives interstate must be one of the most desperate things I've ever heard. In saying that some of the things you say lead me believe that this bloke is a chick, although hopefully it is not you considering what I said above.
Although the real villain here is the woman, as I can bet she has been complaining to your friend about her current husband and playing the pity card. If she is unhappy than just leave him as looking for the next best thing while still married is a dog act. Even if she does jump the fence and go with your friend 90% of the time the grass in no greener.

Bella
13-05-2012, 12:26 PM
Ok back to Bella's question

If this was a mate of mine I'd say wake up to yourself there are plenty of unmarried women out there. Chasing a married woman who lives interstate must be one of the most desperate things I've ever heard. In saying that some of the things you say lead me believe that this bloke is a chick, although hopefully it is not you considering what I said above.
Although the real villain here is the woman, as I can bet she has been complaining to your friend about her current husband and playing the pity card. If she is unhappy than just leave him as looking for the next best thing while still married is a dog act. Even if she does jump the fence and go with your friend 90% of the time the grass in no greener.

lol

Thanks Relevant! Man this is the thread that keeps on giving isn't it? lol

He went to see her last weekend actually, so he's done it already :eek:

He came home more resolved than ever, that he wants this woman. I didn't ask questions, or for details. No idea if they slept together or not, one can only assume :cool:

Haven't had a proper chance to pick his brain yet, but next weekend I will! lol

Bella doesn't do relationships on the internetz :eek:

I need & like reality too much I'm afraid ;)

Be interesting to hear what he says though. Will update this one when I know more.

:p

PowerBuilder
13-05-2012, 12:26 PM
.
the real villain here is the woman,


Interesting...

jamesyboi
15-05-2012, 10:25 AM
It's never cheating when you're in a different area code, not to mention a different state.


If you were sleeping with two girls at the same time, it- it wouldn't be cheating because they would cancel each other out.

It's not cheating if you spread peanut butter on your balls and let your dog lick it off. -- Because it's your dog.

Shrek
15-05-2012, 08:02 PM
It's not cheating if you spread peanut butter on your balls and let your dog lick it off. -- Because it's your dog.http://undergroundfreakz.com/s/contrib/ed/smileeek.gif

Bella
15-05-2012, 11:39 PM
It's not cheating if you spread peanut butter on your balls and let your dog lick it off. -- Because it's your dog.

Errrr....you probably could've started a new thread entirely for that one! :eek:

lol

epic posting spree is epic Jamesy! Bellaisproud/10 :D

KungFooGoo
16-05-2012, 12:39 AM
Women are filthy creatures.

mocha
16-05-2012, 01:40 AM
Women are filthy creatures.

your mother is a woman, have some respect

KungFooGoo
16-05-2012, 10:48 AM
your mother is a woman, have some respect

Oh lordy, lol.

RyanF
17-05-2012, 08:11 PM
It's never cheating when you're in a different area code, not to mention a different state.


If you were sleeping with two girls at the same time, it- it wouldn't be cheating because they would cancel each other out.

It's not cheating if you spread peanut butter on your balls and let your dog lick it off. -- Because it's your dog.
Oh man, I haven't seen that movie in years. But some things, you just never forget.

...Like the use of three fingers.

Darkoz
17-05-2012, 08:37 PM
your mother is a woman, ......
No way!?

Flash
15-06-2012, 10:59 PM
Soccer has a goalie but that doesnt mean you cant score.

That being said (its a joke), no its not ever ok, its not ever justifiable, and personally i dont see how anybody stays with someone who has cheated on them.

<ULTRA-MEGA>
16-06-2012, 05:42 PM
no its not ok.

get cheated on and you'll get your answer.

Big Mick
17-06-2012, 01:13 AM
People are very black and white, but the world has many shades of grey.

Caught up with an old mate today, he has recently left his wife, in the discussion about what happened he revealed that he has not had sex for well over three years while he was with her......personally I think cheating would have been fine in that instance, actually I would say it would almost be needed to stop him going insane:cool:

Rambodian
17-06-2012, 08:10 AM
In today's society it is not 'The Law' to be in a monogamous relationship. It baffles me as to why allot of people would create a monogamous relationship if they actually didn't want to be in one. JUST WHY? :confused:
It's only cheating if your in a monogamous relationship, and I think allot of unnecessary heart break could be avoided if people stopped creating monogamous relationships and just decided that an open relationship would be more suited to them. Creating relationships based around the wants of both parties allows the people involved to be happy to have sex with whoever they want without being cheaters or hurting someones feelings.

I am personally a monogamous person, and chose another who is the same, however if I wasn't monogamous I would not start a monogamous relationship.

Can a 'NON' monogamous relationship work long term? Personally, I am yet to see it. But it seems it has not really been adopted by society as another way to have a relationship, so until it is more common how can one say if it will work long term or not.

Never ceases to amaze me how people always seam to do the things they apparently don't want to do. Even in their own personal sexual relationships, if you don't want to have sex with the same person for the rest of your life at least let that other person know from the start so a healthy relationship can ensue.

Cheating is never OK, it's delusional to think it is, but it's only cheating if you are a coward and not honest with the person you are with. If they are OK with open sexual relations, than it's not 'cheating' is it.

Big Mick
17-06-2012, 10:23 AM
Good point, but my poor mate was not in an open relationship, and he was prepared to have sex with the same person, but that person just shut up shop.

Rambodian
17-06-2012, 04:46 PM
Good point, but my poor mate was not in an open relationship, and he was prepared to have sex with the same person, but that person just shut up shop.

It still doesn't constitute a right to betray the one he loved. I think your mate was in a broken relationship and had basically 2 choices.

1. Fix it
2. Leave it

Sometimes things are not worth fixing, sometimes they are. I'm not pretending to have all the answers, your mate made his choice.

Big Mick
18-06-2012, 02:55 AM
As the old saying goes it takes two to tango.....if one does not want to, nothing you can do, eventually he packed his shit and left, not an easy choice considering he has a 8 year old daughter and had two mortgages....

Rambodian
18-06-2012, 09:18 AM
As the old saying goes it takes two to tango.....if one does not want to, nothing you can do, eventually he packed his shit and left, not an easy choice considering he has a 8 year old daughter and had two mortgages....

Yeh that's a pretty bad situation big M, I hope I never have to make such a decision. Can imagine he was pretty torn up over the whole ordeal, fwaaark. Still, I think he did the right thing by leaving instead of cheating, at least he maintained his integrity, morality and somewhat appreciation of the fact they were together for so long.

To me there is something admirable about that.

RyanF
18-06-2012, 12:05 PM
As the old saying goes it takes two to tango.....if one does not want to, nothing you can do, eventually he packed his shit and left, not an easy choice considering he has a 8 year old daughter and had two mortgages....
Seems he didn't have a lot of good options:

- Stay married to someone who refuses to treat him like a husband or act like his wife.
- Divorce her.
- Cheat on her.

Gotta be a tough situation.

Big Mick
19-06-2012, 02:56 AM
You guys got it in one, no good can come of it, and I think he made the best of what he had, he seems happy enough now, but I bet he has some regrets.

Bella
31-07-2012, 01:27 PM
Hmm I watched a program where a middle aged married man, was informed by various members of his community that his wife (who was very active within the church) was having an affair with their local priest.

Hubby loaded up his gun, drove around to the priests quarters, knowing his wife was scheduled on that afternoon and had their two children with her and shot both his wife and the priest in the head, execution style, in front of his two small children...

As it turns out.....

Wife wasn't cheating at all and the priest was innocent also :cool:

A pissed off church worker, started the rumour......

farrrrk

KungFooGoo
31-07-2012, 01:47 PM
She was cheating for sure.... Nobody's innocent.

Bella
31-07-2012, 01:53 PM
She was cheating for sure.... Nobody's innocent.

lol

Jaded much KFG? mwahaha

they proved that the wife was not cheating and the priest was innocent. A disgruntled church go'er admitted to fabricating the story to cause tension within the church community.

Man, sometimes.....just sometimes....these devoutly religious people just are so......far from what would or could be considered 'godly', let alone 'kind'.

fark me.

NightFallTech
31-07-2012, 03:03 PM
Doesn't everybody have a Celebrity list though? ... A list of people they are probably never ever going to meet whom they are allowed to sleep with if the situation arises?

Bella
31-07-2012, 03:12 PM
Doesn't everybody have a Celebrity list though? ... A list of people they are probably never ever going to meet whom they are allowed to sleep with if the situation arises?

Oooooo I've heard of these lists, but it's no fun for me, cuz I'm single! And it's totally plausible that one day I will get to have a threesome with George Clooney and Brad Pitt and make out with Angelina Jolie :D

mwahahaha

Who's your celebrity wild card??

Bradders
31-07-2012, 03:13 PM
Scarlett Johansson mmmm

lex
31-07-2012, 03:19 PM
As the old saying goes it takes two to tango.....if one does not want to, nothing you can do, eventually he packed his shit and left, not an easy choice considering he has a 8 year old daughter and had two mortgages....

Thats better than my brother and his ex.
They met , had a kid and split all in 18 months.

They were way to alike. A hell of a lot of vicious catty spiteful behaviour

Though my niece is a beautiful kid and seems reasonably well balanced though neither of her parents are.

I credit most of that to my mother who looked after her a lot (3-4 days a week) between 2.5 and 5 years old.

jamesyboi
31-07-2012, 03:32 PM
I had a mate cheat with one of my ex girlfriends.

He used to sneak over to her place on the nights that I didn't stay at her house.

I had a suspicion that he liked my gf, as she had big tits and she was in much better shape than his wife.

He was married for 2 years at the time and I was bestman at his wedding.

I discarded him as a friend and broke up with my girlfriend.

Was a tough time, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Bradders
31-07-2012, 03:34 PM
I had a mate cheat with one of my ex girlfriends.

He used to sneak over to her place on the nights that I didn't stay at her house.

I had a suspicion that he liked my gf, as she had big tits and she was in much better shape than his wife.

He was married for 2 years at the time and I was bestman at his wedding.

I discarded him as a friend and broke up with my girlfriend.

Was a tough time, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

That's rough man..

KungFooGoo
31-07-2012, 03:41 PM
KFG's full proof theory still remains...

Just be in an 'open' relationship... so much easier.

lex
31-07-2012, 03:45 PM
I had a mate cheat with one of my ex girlfriends.

He used to sneak over to her place on the nights that I didn't stay at her house.

I had a suspicion that he liked my gf, as she had big tits and she was in much better shape than his wife.

He was married for 2 years at the time and I was bestman at his wedding.

I discarded him as a friend and broke up with my girlfriend.

Was a tough time, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Didn't deck him ?

jamesyboi
31-07-2012, 03:50 PM
That's rough man..


I was originally pissed off, but after I calmed down I told my old mate: "Just think everytime you kiss her, I had blown in her mouth many times"

That really pissed him off.

His wife ended up divorcing him and he had 2 kids with my ex gf.

He went completely bald and she packed on some weight, but since she has dropped the kgs doing Zumba.

She since broke up with him and shes seeing a mate of my boss now.

Small world.

Bloke
31-07-2012, 06:33 PM
Once a cheater, always a cheater... Anyone that thinks it is ok Is probably a bit of a shit person.

The Hamburgler
31-07-2012, 07:20 PM
KFG's full proof theory still remains...

Just be in an 'open' relationship... so much easier.

*Hi-5*

RyanF
02-08-2012, 02:56 PM
Hmm I watched a program where a middle aged married man, was informed by various members of his community that his wife (who was very active within the church) was having an affair with their local priest.

Hubby loaded up his gun, drove around to the priests quarters, knowing his wife was scheduled on that afternoon and had their two children with her and shot both his wife and the priest in the head, execution style, in front of his two small children...

As it turns out.....

Wife wasn't cheating at all and the priest was innocent also :cool:

A pissed off church worker, started the rumour......

farrrrk
That's really quite horrible. The end result's horrible, but the spiteful rumour-starting that created it is also very horrible and appalling.

Bella
02-08-2012, 03:35 PM
That's really quite horrible. The end result's horrible, but the spiteful rumour-starting that created it is also very horrible and appalling.

I agree Ry. It was actually sad to watch it tbh....

Ahhhh the things we human beings are capable of.

jamesyboi
03-08-2012, 08:34 AM
Didn't deck him ?


The Sunday night I went over to her place his car was parked in her undercover park she wasn't expecting me over that night.

I walked up the driveway and saw topgun on her TV (she had a 2 level unit with carpark underneath and could see right through the kitchen area to the loungeroom when you walk up the long driveway) and 2 shadowy figures dash / turn off the tv and lavalamp and run upstairs. By the time I made it to the front door about 15 minutes later she answered and he hid in her bedroom upstairs. She was behind the security door, I yelled out "G'day mate" loud so he could hear me and told him to come outside but he hid in the bedroom. I went near the carpark and looked for a big brick to throw through his windscreen of his new car, but all I found was little pebbles in the garden bed which pissed me off more.

I went back to her place a day later, and mentally tormented them for about 30 minutes then moved on and had some good girlfriends since so in ways he did me a favour when I look back on it now, but at the time was pretty rough.

Big Mick
03-08-2012, 10:22 AM
The Sunday night I went over to her place his car was parked in her undercover park she wasn't expecting me over that night.

I walked up the driveway and saw topgun on her TV (she had a 2 level unit with carpark underneath and could see right through the kitchen area to the loungeroom when you walk up the long driveway) and 2 shadowy figures dash / turn off the tv and lavalamp and run upstairs. By the time I made it to the front door about 15 minutes later she answered and he hid in her bedroom upstairs. She was behind the security door, I yelled out "G'day mate" loud so he could hear me and told him to come outside but he hid in the bedroom. I went near the carpark and looked for a big brick to throw through his windscreen of his new car, but all I found was little pebbles in the garden bed which pissed me off more.

I went back to her place a day later, and mentally tormented them for about 30 minutes then moved on and had some good girlfriends since so in ways he did me a favour when I look back on it now, but at the time was pretty rough.

How did you go at the AVO hearing????:p

lex
03-08-2012, 10:38 AM
Certainly a rough one.

jamesyboi
03-08-2012, 10:43 AM
How did you go at the AVO hearing????:p

I think he filed an AVO against his father in law.

He was married at the time and cheating on his wife with my then GF.

I ran into them a few times since.

I was with a friend who had bigger jugs than her and we were crossing the road in Surfers and they were walking towards us.

He went fully bald and she lost her boobs.

Karmas a bitch.

Big Mick
03-08-2012, 10:57 AM
I think he filed an AVO against his father in law.

He was married at the time and cheating on his wife with my then GF.

I ran into them a few times since.

I was with a friend who had bigger jugs than her and we were crossing the road in Surfers and they were walking towards us.

He went fully bald and she lost her boobs.

Karmas a bitch.

Haha love that:)

AnnaPhylaxis
04-08-2012, 10:40 AM
I once read a quote, if you are in love with 2 people pick the second person because if you really loved the first one you wouldnt need the second one. I have never cheated but have been cheated on 11 years ago and it still messes with me even tho I am married now. the whole once bitten twice shy thing I guess. i say to myself I trust my husband its the other women I dont trust. maybe I just need to grow a pair and get over it!!

oz_dude
04-08-2012, 11:33 AM
Let's face it, when it comes to cheating people will always have differing views on what is and what isn't. I guess it is what you feel is right or wrong within yourself.

However the question in the topic was it is ok to cheat. Well I guess we better define cheating first.

Is it ok to have sex?
Is it ok kiss?
Is it ok to have phone or email relations?
Is it ok to perve?
Is it ok to watch porn?
Is it ok to go out for a meal of coffee?

See my point, at what stage is it cheating?
Some might say watching porn is, some might not.

One of my mates is with his high school sweet heart and they have both never been with anyone else. She thinks that going to watch strippers or watching porn is cheating lol We went to go have lunch at hooters once and a big argument broke out. These 2 people are completely miserable together yet they dont seem to realise it and stay with each other. He works 12+ hours a day then goes to the gym for over 2 hours after that to workout and has a good perve then goes home. Should also mention they got married at a very young age of 22 about 2 years ago fuck knows why...

Bella
04-08-2012, 02:29 PM
Married two years ago and they're miserable??? whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!

fark.

See? This is why I'm single....lol

Timeah
04-08-2012, 03:10 PM
Thats hardcore...
Been with my mrs since basically high school. 10years this november. No complaints here!

kaz
04-08-2012, 06:08 PM
My best friend is a guy, we go to movies, dinner, nights on the piss, city, I take him to work parties. He's only 24.
My husband has met him, and likes him.

It ain't cheating.
We're just besties, that's all.

And he's gay!
Other people I mention it to think it's the work of the devil! Fuark!!

Darkoz
04-08-2012, 06:10 PM
Fag hag

kaz
04-08-2012, 06:16 PM
Fag hag

That is what I have become.

Darkoz
04-08-2012, 06:17 PM
That is what I have become.

My wife's a double fag hag

kaz
04-08-2012, 06:18 PM
My wife's a double fag hag

How did she score two? :(

Jealous.... :p

Darkoz
04-08-2012, 06:21 PM
How did she score two? :(

Jealous.... :p

She worked with them and became friends
Bastards snuck into my iPad recently and left a bunch of gay porn on it :D

kaz
04-08-2012, 06:22 PM
She worked with them and became friends
Bastards snuck into my iPad recently and left a bunch of gay porn on it :D

Bahahaha yeah I use that excuse all the time....:eyeroll: lol!

Darkoz
04-08-2012, 06:25 PM
Bahahaha yeah I use that excuse all the time....:eyeroll: lol!

Luckily My wife was in on it otherwise could have needed some explaining :D

oz_dude
04-08-2012, 09:05 PM
Married two years ago and they're miserable??? whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!

fark.

See? This is why I'm single....lol

Yep they were always miserable though even before they got married. As they have never been with anyone else or been in other relationships i think that they think its all normal, but from an outsiders point of view everyone is wondering why they dont just break up already and be happy. He use to be a fun lad to party with until she came along shes just changed him soooo much...


Thats hardcore...
Been with my mrs since basically high school. 10years this november. No complaints here!

Sounds like you found yourself a keeper mate good work. Ive been with mine for 3.5 years and couldn't be happier. Just had to weed out afew shit/crazy ones before i found the great one haha

RyanF
05-08-2012, 11:31 PM
My best friend is a guy, we go to movies, dinner, nights on the piss, city, I take him to work parties. He's only 24.
My husband has met him, and likes him.

It ain't cheating.
We're just besties, that's all.

And he's gay!
Other people I mention it to think it's the work of the devil! Fuark!!
Him being gay is probably the definitive fact that stops there being anything along the lines of cheating here.

In all seriousness, I don't know what it's like from the woman's side of things, but I know as a male, the line between a girl being your best friend and desperately wanting to wife her is crossed with even the faintest whiff of a stray pheramone. I don't know what it's like being a gay male, but I assume it acts as a pretty solid shield against the temptations of your female best friend.

wingman
06-08-2012, 02:50 AM
Deep- would your husband be ok with it if your friend was straight?

coaltrain
06-08-2012, 07:56 AM
Deep- would your husband be ok with it if your friend was straight?

Boom. And that's where it's at.
Cos your strait friend would be wanting to get in your pants.
Guys have one motive and one only.
Regardless of what you think or how "hes such a nice guy".
Being gay is the key to this being ok, deep ;)

jamesyboi
06-08-2012, 11:11 AM
See? This is why I'm single....lol

What are you doing Friday night?

Haha

JAG
06-08-2012, 12:28 PM
What are you doing Friday night?

Haha

Squats dead lifts and chin ups obviously!

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2

wingman
06-08-2012, 12:33 PM
Squats dead lifts and chin ups obviously!

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/24493436.jpg

RyanF
06-08-2012, 01:35 PM
^ I lolled.

Shrek
08-07-2015, 06:53 PM
No. ..or is it?

Undercover
08-07-2015, 06:58 PM
Yes

Stiffy
08-07-2015, 07:04 PM
I cheated at cards once. Had two mates betting hundreds of dollars. One was a broke Father with kids so I dealt him a good card so he'd win. Fuck, you'd think I'd shot JFK! :o

Repacked
08-07-2015, 07:43 PM
I think cheat meals are ok...




Just don't tell the chicken and rice....

Goosey
08-07-2015, 08:31 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hv1MfFOOrZs

Repacked
08-07-2015, 08:43 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFTBG1sae0M

Shrek
12-10-2015, 05:01 PM
Yes says Grunta; :)

Grunta
12-10-2015, 06:28 PM
I'm tempted to post a pic of her, in a bikini sunbathing at the pool and dare all you kunce to be honest and see if you'd say no, but I'd have my doubts any of you knunce could refuse, or you'd just so without really thinking about it.

Shrek
12-10-2015, 06:32 PM
Pic pic? 😀

White_Lie
12-10-2015, 07:06 PM
Post it...with her hear blurred out to protect the innocent.. But we need to see the neck!

Grunta
12-10-2015, 07:41 PM
Post it...with her hear blurred out to protect the innocent.. But we need to see the neck!

Hey whitey, just got the news, congrats on your modship, we should celebrate with some skanks and yeyo.
I wasn't going to post a pic, not fair to her, even a kunce like me has moral issues doing that, I have other shots of her clothed, might blur and post that.
Totally against the protocol to take pic, but the boys covered for me and were a bit shitty I wouldn't take any of them with me, one even said "but you have a spare" like these chicks are tyres, so I promised pics.

White_Lie
12-10-2015, 07:42 PM
Thanks mate, kunce better watch out. There's a new sheriff in town