Completely lost the plot

I have no answer to this, but I have completely lost the plot! I did two days in the gym this week, and that was the most I've done for a month. I used to hit the gym 4 afternoons a week without fail and loved it. I don't know what happened. Everything just stopped all of a sudden after a solid year of training, with a one week break every 6 weeks.
I have to use all my mental training to get myself into the gym now. I employ "no thinking" and have to become a zombie, and that isn't the worst of it.
On Tuesday night, I went out and bought a bottle of 12 year old single malt scotch and a bottle of 12 year old Port. Big deal you say? Well I haven't touched a drop for 6 years. On Tuesday afternoon, I said to myself "I'd like a drink" and after several hours of delay, I went shopping. I had two doubles of scotch and one double of port. God it was good! I never liked getting hammered so I won't start now.
Just when you thought that was it, well...I started smoking cigars again. I haven't had one for 5 years. I only had one every couple of weeks on a lazy Sunday afternoon, but on Wednesday I picked up a very expensive box of my old favourites.
Now for the really bad stuff. The last three weeks, I've been eating pies, sausage rolls, mcdonalds, and generally eating crap.
The strange thing is I don't feel anything. I know I am letting myself down and risking my health, but why am I doing it? I haven't figured that out yet.
Have you ever fallen off the wagon and through the earth's crust like me?

Sounds pretty normal to me.
We are not all programmed robots.
Once in a while you got to get off track so you can catch a different ride to a better destination.

Is this normal? Hmmmm.....it's a new experience for me. I thought I'd never go back to my old habits, especially after being "good" for so long.

Mid life crisis?

Not sure, has anything happened in your life lately?

Lost friends etc??

Every now and again i relax, have a few drinks but not to such a degree.

Moderation is the key

craze said:

Not sure, has anything happened in your life lately?

Lost friends etc??

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Burying family members and friends is nothing new, so it's not that. Not mid life crisis either I don't have a problem with aging and death.
Maybe I'm stuck in a rut. 6 years of refraining from drink and blue smoke, and concentrating on a clean diet, may be unsustainable. I could have found my limit of tolerance for a routine!
If it continues for another two weeks, then I'll have to sit quietly and do some digging around in my head.

I could never see myself as being 100% into strict diet, it would not work and if it does i would expect something like what you are experiencing will happen.

Do you have any desire to go to the gym now?

It would be quite hard to give up alchohol 100% and smoking a nice cigar if you like that, just limit it or use it as a reward maybe for special occasions.

craze said:

Do you have any desire to go to the gym now?

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I want to go to the gym quite badly, but when I get there, or get in the car to go, I don't move. If zombie mode doesn't work, then I don't push.
I think my brain and body expect to go, but the mind has other ideas.
I haven't meditated for a couple of months, so maybe it's time to relink mind with the rest of me.

I knew discussing it with you lot would help

Maybe try some stimulant preworkout when you hit the gym, sorta helps zombie mode, also less rest between sets helps keep me going, if i just take it easy and float around the gym then its not a good workout and seem less energetic.

Got a missus or some other constructive hobbies to keep you entertained. I am sure we could all bore you of stories of addiction etc but I rather try to help you instead.

Or perhaps a few short black coffee? Not really sure how you are feeling and how to help

If you have private health insurance, you'll get most of the cost of a good psychologist back....