Best way to deal with a break up

So as some of you may know my relationship of 3 1/2 years ended this week - now its been so long since my last break up that I really dont know how to react to it....of course the night it happened very upset then mad then upset...next day see her at a mates place of course weird and alot weirder considering friends were around that knew everything that was going on!

We went out with eachother on sat night for a dinner and movie - maybe to try and just spend time with eachother and talk - it was a good night but def some tension (not bad but not great lol) in the air...today comes and we needed to buy our dog food - she agreed to come over the night before when we were out - so went to buy dog food - was normal prob less tension than the night before.. but I could still tell she was fairly cold - got home I asked her if she wanted to chat we had abit of a chat she said she needed time to think about it etc....she went home I txt'd her acouple of times she replied and then I asked to call her we spoke - I explained it is pretty tough to cut off all communication etc etc - but then said I would give her space for acouple of days to think about things...

After we got off the phone I txt'd her to say Iam happy to give her space, have a good night and thanks for cooking the dog food (its a big job honestly!) our dog eats better than me lol

So do you think ive gone about this the wrong way - do u think I shouldnt of txt'd or rang after she left this morning - or not txted to say i'll give you space after the phone call....like I said its been so long since ive been in a break up and Iam a totally different person now I am not sure how to go about this...

Iam guessing its best to not contact her for acouple of days and listen to her...but should I contact or wait till she does - this would be hard!

Cheers guys!

Sit on it mate. If you keep contacting her, you might just push her away. It seems like you want to still have a friendship (if that's possible). You've taken a few steps to reinforce that. Now wait. If there's no bite, there's no bite and you'll have to accept that.

I am not sure yet if I could have a friendship with her or not if we were to remain broken up - not for the fact that I dont like her because of it just because I wouldnt want to know what shes doing i.e going out, dating, seeing ppl etc etc

I guess really what Iam asking is from ppls point of views from what I have done since the breakup do u think I have sealed my own fate with how I have acted - today mostly...i.e her saying she needs time me txting and calling....do u think that would be enough for her to make her final decision....

hey joel firstly sorry to hear about your situation -

breakups are complicated and different for everybody.

I would weigh up your goods and bads in the relationship and see wether u should continue. Something must have happened for you guys to split.

If so the truth is GUYS and Girls cannot be "friends" especially if it was after a long term committed relationship. Even more so for example if one person has stopped loving the other or cheating. The animosity will still be there regardless and it will take years before you both get over it.

When in a long term relationship you never do things for yourself its mostly the other person first then you when it comes to decisions and ALSO worst of all we get COMFY..

My opinion -
I would just break ALL communication and have your space to focus on one thing... YOURSELF for say 2 weeks.. U can at least go through the gauntlet of emotions involved and do some soul searching what u want.

Yea mate - not totally sure what it was all about (the reason for her doing it) - I think a mix of getting over it, me not be as loving as I could be and maybe just a general feeling of wanting to do diff things...

I guess for me it was abit of a surprise but maybe not totally a shock because I was sort of having the same feelings like not being as close to her, maybe becoming to comfortable in te relationship and maybe me aswell wanting to do different things - but I didnt think about breaking up with her....or maybe I was to worried what I would do if I did...

Breakups have always been clean cuts for me. I have enough friends, don't need another.

You need to stop being sad and start being awsome!

Mooseheads saturday night

Sorry to hear mate..

Once something like this has happened it is very hard to go back and it obviously happened for a reason. It will always be there and in between you.

I dont think you can be friends either.. Im just speaking fromy m experiences.

I dont think it works.

Best bet? Move on be happy and content with your life , keep lifitng, keep loving lfie and keep living mate.

There is alot more in life to experience and enjoy and its only the beggining for you.

Take care

Cheers mate - its crap because some of my mates room mate is fairly good friends with her - I have been friends with these guys for prob 10 yrs now and she has only known the room mate for like 6 months maybe so its abit hard to be like dont go around to there house dont hang out with her (the room mate) - but then on the other hand if this is it and we are totally over I dont want to know what shes doing or whos shes going out with etc - I know time will heal stuff but even 6 months down the line if I was sitting with my mates watching tv and she walked in with another guy and the room mate I dunno if I could handle that...

JDizzle - Tried moose on thurs lol - def not ready to be going out yet - made me feel worse I think

Sounds like the room mate is a dog then...

6 months best friends sounds dodgy... Put it on him. You dont have to see her and people should respect that. I would be crushing skulls

The room mate is a girl mate lol - believe me if it was a guy id would of killed someone lol

Joel said:

The room mate is a girl mate lol - believe me if it was a guy id would of killed someone lol

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Oh ok...

lol thought something dodgy was happening. (on i phone hard to read all the thread)

If the girl had any respect or decency as a human being should not be coming to your home with a bloke.

Its not my place but I do hang out at my mates ALOT and I know my ex will prob be around there a fair bit seeing as tho she is fairly good friends with the room mate now!

Just really frustrating!!

Plus he got a dog together like 5 months ago and its real fucking shit because we both want him but have no idea what to do - and I dont really wanna have her like coming to see him or me having to go see him - so shit !!! ahhh

Break all contact its the best way... You will see it in the end.

Now go do some deadlifts

Its hard man really hard, best to break contact (we all say this, but its easier said then done).

Stay off the booze if you can, stay strong brother! Lift some weights, listen to some music, go for a drive, i dunno maybe rent a porno meh?

If all shit breaks loose just sleep with her sister to fuck her life. If she doesn't have one then have a go with the brother!

Man, sorry to hear that. Can be gutting when your girl breaks up with you..

Unless you two, are the most understanding, open, or werent really in love, staying friends will never work.

it is just too hard bro, best to give it some time to settle down and think long and hard about if YOU really want to be in the relation ship. Your mind will play tricks on you making you forget all the reasons why you broke up, leaving you to think everything wil go back to the honeymoon stage if you get back together.

Either way, what ever your choice is.. take a few steps back mate, asses the situation..be honest with yourself and your girlfriend.

jchen said:

Man, sorry to hear that. Can be gutting when your girl breaks up with you..

Unless you two, are the most understanding, open, or werent really in love, staying friends will never work.

it is just too hard bro, best to give it some time to settle down and think long and hard about if YOU really want to be in the relation ship. Your mind will play tricks on you making you forget all the reasons why you broke up, leaving you to think everything wil go back to the honeymoon stage if you get back together.

Either way, what ever your choice is.. take a few steps back mate, asses the situation..be honest with yourself and your girlfriend.

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Very true mate - we had a huge talk last night for about 3 hours about everything and at the end of the day she just does not feel the same about me....we dont hate eachother, we arnt even really angry at eachother just upset and down about things....

I cant change her mind or say things to try and make her think she loves me so I have to respect what she says!

We set some good boundaries about not seeing eachother when we are out and her not going around to my mates place etc which I thought was pretty good of us both - seeing as though in past relationships when it has ended theres been no boundaries and shits just gone on for so much longer...

Ive been thinking long and hard and maybe we werent as in love as I thought....the relationship was never really that deep, we never really "talked" about "deep" things most stuff was always on the surface which I was always worried about....for the whole relationship...maybe we were just REALLY great friends that needed eachother at the time we got together and then we just went with it....I have no idea...I know I was very much in love with her but was it like soul mate love...(sorry to sound gay lol)...i dont know if it was....

Still hard though - I HATE change and I hate being by myself...which is something I really need to deal with.